Thursday, November 5, 2009

Darkness and Light

Pin It I hadn’t planned on posting tonight.

I’d planned on wallowing in a pool of self-pity.

Isn’t that the fashionable thing to do? After all, it’s all about being ‘in,’ right?

The past few days have been a battle for me...I’m not going to lie; it’s been a skirmish in endurance and perseverance.

…make that survival.

Do you ever find yourself in the midst of those days when you just feel that you can’t go any further? That you can’t do any more than what you’re already doing? That you have given your all, and it’s just not enough? That every time you start to get a bit ahead, you suddenly find yourself three steps behind where you originally thought you’d be? Then, to top it all off, when the day has ended, there is still far too much to do?

The inbox is still full.

The outbox is much too empty.

The dishes are piling up.

When you came to work the past few mornings, the sun still had at least an hour before it even considered coming over the horizon; then, when you left, it had set many hours before, leaving you in total darkness…

It’s been one of those days, for the past several days.

I came home tonight in darkness. I walked outside feeling as empty as the parking lot which was laid out before me, a shadowy reflection of myself in the twilight.

I closed my eyes, allowing it to drench me, to consume me, and overflow to capacity.

I breathed in the warm evening air.

I opened my car door and started the ignition, thinking of tomorrow. Despite it all, I smiled. I found myself taking comfort in the fact that a warm bed awaited me, and a new day was readying itself in the wings for the morrow. When I was to awaken, everything would begin again yet anew, and it would be better.

The sun would rise again…and when it did, I would see it.

Friends, there is light.


Jamie said...

Thank you. :)

Siggy said...

You took the words right out of my mouth! You are an amazing guy...can we be friends?!


Lars said...

I wish your days the fluidity of ease. It does get better and in a months time the days will get longer. Something to look forward to. Keep smiling.

Corine said...

Thanks. :D I could tell you were depressed... hate to admit it, but I was worried about you. I prayed for you, too. :)

"Daylight savings" hasn't been easy on me, either! (I decided it was the shortend day that did it.)

Thankfully, there is plenty of light from within to dispell any and all darkness... SHINE ON,
Good-lookin! ;D

MindyElias said...

Just remember, the bigger your investment, the bigger your return.

It is as if you reached into my mind and wrote everything I was thinking and feeling.

My advice??? You need to do something for you this weekend---something outside of work and enjoy a few hours just for you.

And then tell me (us everybody!) all about it....

(and take your camera!)


Denae said...

It's all about getting out of bed every day, that is for sure. I know for me it helps to remember that I can always do better, try harder and start again tomorrow.

When the pull to bask in my self pity is the greatest is when I find that I most need to reach out and try to help someone else. Service has been my greatest ally as of late :)

Thanks for reminding me to look on the "bright" side of things.

Mamma has spoken said...

I feel your pain, same thing is happening here too. Even put up a countdown till Thanksgiving break....

Corine said...

I just have to say.... way to go with the decision to see the sun!

I've had times like that too, where I just wanted to hide under the covers and wake up to find that overwhelming life - gone!

But to plan to wake up and see the sun... the good things in life... even among all the "bla" in life - is a very promising decision!

I hope the next few days find you rejuvenated, and full instead of empty (perhaps a feast of sorts is at hand ... )

Wishing you a happy day! :D

Gerb said...

The sun always comes up in the morning... but it's hard to see the bright side of things when you never get to see the sun.

I hope you have a bright, sunshiney day just waiting to overtake you in the very near future.

Richard & Natalie said...

Unintended posts are sometimes the best. In desperation or even elation, they allow us to be totally honest in what we are thinking, feeling, and doing in our lives. And almost always it feels better just to purge and put it all out there.
And just look at you, smiling and remembering your blessings despite it all. Thanks for posting when you weren't planning to and setting an example for me to follow.

Linn said...

Thank you more than you could ever know Jason.

PMC said...

yes, there is light. above the clouds the sun shines and the sky is blue!

Rachel said...

There is a Persian Proverb that says: When it is dark you can see the stars...

It brings me a lot of comfort knowing that the sun always comes up even after the longest night.

I am sorry that you have been struggling so. I hope that this weekend you are able to rejuvinate.

It is hard work being the best and it takes its toll!!! Don't forget that a pitcher that is always being taken from...if not refilled from time to time will eventually have nothing more to give. Replenish yourself!!

Often I have lamented to my husband, "what if your best isn't good enough"? As a parent I feel that often. We do the best we can. That is all we can do. Read that article I sent you. :) In all of your spare time.......

K.J. said...

Love the post! I do feel like this more often than I would like. I have started to think of at the least, 5 things I am thankful for every morning in my head before I get out of bed. Sometimes, I think about the person that let me over on the freeway or to make a left hand turn...simple things like that start coming to mind, and I try to remember some of the nice things people have done for me, or maybe I could do today...a note attached to a candy, or just a note saying, "Have a great day!" that I could pass to someone or leave for them to find. It helps cheer me up and my day goes a littel bit smoohter...most of the time! It is no fun feeling down and low, that is for sure!
You are an awesome person with a fabulous personality, so keep looks good on you!

The Mind of a Mom said...

I'm glad you can see the light, my light bulb is still broken so my light at the end of the tunnel is not on yet...

Bee said...

If it makes you feel any better, I am in exactly the same place right now. Remembering to breathe and laugh on occasion are the only things keeping me floating. This too shall pass. Thanks for sharing:)

Deo Volente said...

I want to say I understand
believe me how I do
to reach across this wide divide
inside the web where you reside
and hold on to your hand
because I understand
I know too well the sting of doubt
the shadows that dwell in and out
when dark surrounds the light
like shadows of the night
I want to simply share a smile
to let you know that on this mile
the road may curve or bend
but soon this dark will end
God keeps you in his arms so tight
he'll shelter you throughout this night
his stars shall guide your way
so friend please don't dismay...
have faith, you'll be ok.

Deo Volente

SO said...

Love this post. And I smiled when I read that you smiled. Oh yes there is light. Thank you for sharing yours.

Amy said...

Great post! I could not have said it better myself!

tiburon said...

What lovely thoughts.

You rock. For reals.

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