SCENE 1, INTERIOR. NOON, FIFTH GRADE CLASSROOM. The students have gone to lunch recess. The teacher walks into the classroom to find a 5th grade boy standing, waiting for him to return from the lunchroom. The boy is tugging on the bottoms of both of his ears in succession as he waits. He walks up to his teacher, still tugging on his own earlobes.TEACHER: Joey, what in the world are you doing?
JOEY: Milking my ears. [pause]. Only instead of milk, I get earwax. [pause] You know what, Mr. Z? I’d use the wax and I’d make you a candle. That way, when you burned it you’d think of me.
TEACHER: [Sarcastically] Gee, thanks; but it’d smell just like you.
JOEY: Yep, only the way you’d want it to be!
TEACHER: So, just what would it smell like?
[The boy stands for a silent minute, thinking.]
JOEY: Dog doo?
TEACHER: I wouldn’t put it quite that way.
[The teacher walks to the back of the room as the boy follows in his wake. The teacher begins to get the laptop cart ready for the rest of the class; when he turns, he finds the boy standing right behind him, still tugging on his earlobes].
JOEY: Peaches and cream?
TEACHER: So that’s what a Joey smells like?
JOEY: But I wouldn’t taste like that.
TEACHER: I wouldn’t even want to imagine what a Joey tastes like...
JOEY: He’d taste like a Joey.
[The teacher looks confused so the boy expounds].
JOEY: Salty sweat.
TEACHER: Okay, now that’s just gross.
JOEY: With onions…or sweaty onions with salt…
TEACHER: You know what? I really don’t want a candle…
[Fade to black].
7 comments:
Just when I think they can't get better...you write something like this. Awesome!
Have I ever told you I like the Moments with Joey photo? Really cool.
That candle is up there with the wart that one student offer me. She had it 'frozen' and when it 'fell off' (while she was working with me) she wanted me to keep it (ewwwww)......
Can I just say EWWWWW.
Sounds like someone has seen Shrek one too many times. LOL
That was so funny I cried in my office at work. I hope you have another Joey next year!
Oh, yuck. Tell Joey to eat some rainbows and strawberries or something.
L - He keeps coming up with stuff...
J - It's fitting, isn't it? When I see it, I always think of 'Joey' now.
MHS - Wow, students sure can reach new levels of gross, can't they?
FS - My thoughts exactly!
K - I already know I will...he visits me after school every once and awhile already.
G - Yeah, he really needs something to 'sweeten himself up' doesn't he?
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