Moments with Joey – Hello, my name is Joey

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SCENE 1, INTERIOR. AFTERNOON, FIFTH GRADE CLASSROOM. School has officially been out for fifteen minutes. Two students remain in the classroom working on homework. One boy is sitting at the computers finishing up his Spelling for the night while the other is shuffling around the room. He looks at his teacher who is busily entering grades into the computer and correcting assignments. After a moment, he saunters across the room and stands in front of his teacher.

JOEY: You know, whenever I say something stupid my mom says, “Hi, my name is Joey.” Urrggghhhh…that really bothers me.

TEACHER: Sorry to hear that….

[The boy begins to walk toward the computer and then stops; he turns in place and faces his teacher].

JOEY: Mr. Z, do you have a computer at your house?

TEACHER: Yep.

JOEY: Maybe I could come over and use it sometime.

TEACHER: Why would you want to do that?

JOEY: I could get all of my Spelling homework done, and you’d be there to help me if I needed it. Besides, then I could see your house.

TEACHER: That’s crazy, how would you even get there?

[The boy blows out a breath].

JOEY: With my legs, of course. [Pauses, thinking] Then again, I could always draw myself extra legs and just walk there, too; like I was a spider.

[The boy pretends to take several steps; as he takes each ‘step’ he says the word “step” to accompany it. After half-a-dozen ‘steps’ he slumps on the table].

JOEY: Do you have any pets? A dog? A cat? Maybe a dinosaur?

TEACHER: I have a dinosaur.

JOEY: Really? Could I come and pet it sometime?

TEACHER: I was kidding…I don’t need any pets; I’ve already got 28 little animals running around.

[The boy starts laughing].

JOEY: Hey, that’s us! That’s funny, Mom…

[The boy catches himself as he realizes what he’s just said. He bursts into even more laughter].

JOEY: I just called you MOM! [Pauses in deep thought]. What if you really were my parent though? Would that be good? Probably not, because then you could beat me if you wanted to. However, if I wasn’t doing anything wrong and you beat me, then that would be child abuse, right?

[The teacher stops working and looks up at the boy who is staring intently at him. After a silent moment, the boy speaks again].

JOEY: You wouldn’t beat me…would you?

[There is another pause while the teacher returns to the papers he’s correcting. As he turns to the next sheet in the pile he shrugs].

TEACHER: Hello, my name is Joey.

[Fade to black].