Moments with Joey – Math direction

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I figured that today would be a good day to post one of these from my 'Joey File.' I think I needed a good laugh; Joey never fails to come through.

SCENE 1, INTERIOR. AFTERNOON, FIFTH GRADE CLASSROOM. The school day is over. A fifth-grade boy is sitting at the back table with his teacher working on his math assignment. The boy has already asked numerous questions about the assignment; he turns the page and sighs. He stares at the page for several moments then petitions the teacher for help.

JOEY: I just don’t get this.

TEACHER: What don’t you understand?

[The boy points at the problem he doesn’t comprehend].

TEACHER: It says to find the set of rays that make up the angle.

JOEY: Rays?

TEACHER: Yes, rays. Like we talked about in Math class today…a line which only travels in one direction; remember how we talked about the sun’s rays and how they travel from the sun…their starting point?

JOEY: [The boy’s face lights up as he breaks into song]. Doe, a deer, a feeeemale deer. RAY a drop of golden suuuunnnnnnn!

[The teacher takes a few minutes to explain the concept again, and soon the boy is finished with the assignment. He then takes out his word problem for the night and reads it over aloud].

JOEY: At the Scout Shop a compass costs $5 and a flashlight costs $8. The Scouts spent a total of $90 on 15 items. How many compasses and how many flashlights did they buy? [Pause]. Do they have to spend any money on flashlights?

TEACHER: What does the problem say?

JOEY: Um….

TEACHER: Yes?

JOEY: Well, do they have to buy flashlights? I mean, if they just spent all their money on compasses, it would be a whole lot easier to figure out.

TEACHER: Yes, it would; however, would you want to spend all of your money on just one thing?

JOEY: Well, it would depend on what it is.

TEACHER: Compasses?

JOEY: No, I’d buy something useless.

TEACHER: Something useless? Like what?

JOEY: First aid kits.

TEACHER: You’d buy first aid kids?

[The boy nods his head vigorously].

TEACHER: Yet you think that first aid kits are useless?

[The boy thinks for a minute then speaks tentatively].

JOEY: Well…I guess not; but if you’re not hurt they pretty much are.

TEACHER: Well, hopefully you’ll get hurt...

[Pause]

JOEY: Mr. Z, guess what I learned yesterday?

TEACHER: To bellydance?

JOEY: [longingly] I’d love to learn to do that!

[The boy glances around the room to make sure that he and his teacher are really alone. He leans in close and whispers].

JOEY: I.learned.to.sew.my.finger.

TEACHER: To sew your finger?

[The boy makes sounds of a large, blunt object stabbing into his finger and makes the motions of blood spurting out in all directions].

JOEY: Shpalk, shpalk

TEACHER: What were you really trying to sew?

JOEY: Two pieces of red cloth. I was making a bag. A purse.

TEACHER: For yourself?

JOEY: My mom…[The boy pauses, thinking for a second. He then drops his voice to a whisper]. Well, don’t tell anyone it was really for me.

[The teacher stifles a laugh].

TEACHER: Don’t worry your secret is safe.

JOEY: Thanks, Mr. Z, I knew I could count on you.

[The boy returns to his word problem of the dilemmas of the Scouts. There is silence in the room for a few moments].

JOEY: Awww, tie gone!

[The teacher looks up from his work curiously at the boy who is looking intently at him].

TEACHER: Pardon?

JOEY: Awww, tie gone!

[The teacher glances down at the tie he is wearing, then back at the boy with a puzzled expression].

TEACHER: I have my tie on.

JOEY: No, awe-tie-gone…o-ct-a-gon!

[The boy stifles a giggle as he leans back in his chair].

TEACHER: I can think of someone I’d like to be gone.

[Pause]

JOEY: Me?

TEACHER: Then people would ask, ‘where Joey gone?’

[The boy erupts into laughter and slaps his hand on the table].

JOEY: But not if I had a compass…

[Fade to black]