SCENE 1, INTERIOR. NOON, LUNCHROOM. The teacher is eating lunch with his fifth graders. He listens to several conversations about who did what over the weekend, who is who’s latest crush, and what the preferred after-school snack is amongst many other topics of conversation. The teacher is tapped on the shoulder by the ten year-old boy sitting next to him.
JOEY: Hey, Mr. Z?
TEACHER: What’s up?
JOEY: Have you ever gotten a wedgie before?
TEACHER: A wedgie?
JOEY: Yeah, it’s when somebody grabs your underwear and pulls it up so that –
TEACHER: [Cutting him off]. I know what a wedgie is, Joey.
JOEY: So, have you ever had one before?
TEACHER: Sorry to let you down…nope.
JOEY: My favorite is the yo-yo wedgie.
TEACHER: You have a favorite?
JOEY: Yeah, there’s the yo-yo wedgie, the chilly wedgie, the dangling wedgie…
TEACHER: And you know about all of these different types?
JOEY: [Nodding]. Yeah, but the yo-yo is my favorite; yo-yos are awesome.
TEACHER: I don’t know what to be more disturbed about…the fact that you know so many different types, or that you have a favorite one.
JOEY: I got one once where I could almost taste it in my mouth…
TEACHER: Sounds like a Super Atomic Wedgie.
JOEY: Yeah, that’s why I wear boxers now...
Fade to black.
32 comments:
Fantastic stuff Joey!
I am worried because my four year old loves wedgies and asks for them every day. Sometimes I will catch him giving himself one and giggling.
NIIICCCEEE! I have had a student close to that, but never quite that awesome!
This could be my son. Seriously!! My nephew gives wedgies where he puts their undies over the back of their heals....or something. My question is always, "And you let him??!!??" Boys!
Haha, you two make an awesome pair!
Joey has mad skills.
The joyful ritual of the wedgie. I can't tell you how many wedgies were exchanged between my sister and I, but it was enough for any young child to think differently about life. Great story!
No doubt it was someone like Joey who invented the thong.
Favorite line? "I got one once where I could almost taste it in my mouth…"
Genius.
Did you find out what a yo-yo wedgie really is? I think you're going to learn alot from Joey this year.
C - I found out later that it's a wedgie where somebody keeps pulling up, dropping, and pulling up again.
Yeah…just why's this a favorite?
Glutton for punishment?
Abe - That makes me laugh. To each his own...
having a favorite wedgie just somehow seems wrong to me... but I've been known to be a little less than adventurous in the undies department...
Do I dare ask what the other ones mentioned are? The chilly wedgie and the danging wedgie. Tht must be where they hang you from a door by your underwear? The super atomic one gave me chills!!
...and not in a good way!
M - From what I understand, the Chilly Wedgie includes a handful of snow and the Dangling Wedgie consists of not being permitted to truly have your feet touch the ground...
As soon as I saw Atomic Wedgie, I had to read :0)
Here is a link you will appreciate:
http://whatsupwithred.blogspot.com/2010/07/theres-only-one-way-to.html
This is handsdown my favorite Joey moment.
"I got one once where I could almost taste it in my mouth…" = Priceless.
dang! and how old is Joey?? lol
I think I need a diagram of what a yo=yo, chilly and dangling wedgies are.
WOW I learned something new today! I really didn't know that much about wedgies and now I can't wait to share my new information! ;o)
With that many wedgies to his name, I don't believe Joey will be reproducing. It will be a shame that he'll have no one to pass on his wedgie legacy to.
Oh my gosh, what is the deal with boys these days and loving wedgies? My 8-year old likes them too and asks for them. Now he's passing on the love to his middle, 4 year-old brother. Geez! What happened to the days that wedgies were considered humiliating and coupled with a shove in a locker.
Who knew there were so many different types of wedgies? Not me!
Good thing I read this post, for I was sorely lacking in my wedgie knowledge. Thanks to Joey, by the time my kids end up in fifth grade, I'll be prepared for anything!
If only I had known this information when my boys were still small enough I could physically handle them. I would have dealt a wicked wedgie or two, or three!
I will most certainly NOT be sharing this post with my boys!
I didn't even realize you had another blog besides Four Perspectives. Glad you mentioned it, because you are consistently my favorite poster there.
And this wedgie post did not disappoint.
=)
I guess it beats being de-pantsed...
"that’s why I wear boxers now..."
That Joey is wise beyond his years.
Sounds exactly like a conversation I could picture my own 5th grader having.
Boys minds are disturbing, yet, interesting! Ha Ha
This is so not the same stuff that I deal with in kindergarten. Thank goodness for something!
Thanks for the lesson on Wedgie nomenclature. I have to admit, I thought the Yo-yo was something else entirely. I'm relieved that it only involves being lifted up and down repeatedly.
The grasshopper wedgie is a favorite around here. So is the twist and shout wedgie..... They are given often. Not by me. Of course.
With four boys of my own, we have our very own wedgie nomenclature. Have you really never had a wedgie before? I'm thinking you just didn't want to share with your student who would go home and share with their parents?
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