Monday, February 15, 2010

Gluttony 101 - Or Lack Thereof (The RPBC Story)

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I’m convinced that the world would be a much better place if there were more peanut butter.

Really.

What else is there that brings such supernal happiness and joy to the world?

Nothing.

It all started out about a week ago when a certain someone—whom I’ll choose to let remain anonymous so as to protect their identity (for the sake of this post let’s call her, ‘Rachel’)—brought a nondescript paper bag into my classroom and put it on my desk. All in all, it was very much like the drop-off. “You leave the money and I’ll get you the goods.” Very cloak-and-daggery.

Upon the completion of the school day I remembered the bag I’d seen ‘Rachel’ put on my desk. I was soon to discover that it contained a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup heart—a large, 5-ounce monstrosity made of pure, unadulterated goodness.

Intending to only sample a small portion, I opened the package and took a tiny bite. It was wonderful. It was practically teeming with moist, peanut-buttery goodness enveloped in a cocoon of love.

Can I just share here that I love Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups? Mind you, this is only so long as they aren’t outdated…old RPBCs are just about the nastiest things in existence; I put these akin to the Whitman Samplers where one is taking their taste buds on a kamikaze mission with every piece in the box. With these it’s always one of two things: gross or grosser. I’d rather gargle glass—great, big shards of it with pointy edges.

But this post is not about glass garglage, but about Reeses Peanut Butter Cups. One small taste led to another, and before I knew it, the Reeses heart had been completely consumed—much to my dismay.

I ventured to the local supermarket, hoping to find another that would be reasonably priced.

Nearly $5? I think not.

I decided that I’d wait until after the holiday in order to pick one up for a steal. Therein lay my mistake. You see, I’d intended to go out at the earliest possible hour—before the scavengers swooped in with their biddy, clutching fingers, and heaped their carts to brimming with after-holiday goodness.

The vultures.

Unfortunately, I was working on my photography website last night—far into the early morning hours. When I finally crashed, I slept in later than I’d anticipated. It wasn’t until sometime in the early afternoon that I even remembered my mission.

Racing to the nearest store, I encountered a great, big, steaming pile of nothing.

Over the course of the next three hours—and eight different grocery stores—I came up empty-handed. I realized that I’d made the cardinal mistake that I’d made two years ago. Even if you'd been a frequenter of this blog back then, you’d probably not be aware of this little fiasco in which I was Reesesless. After all, I don't think I posted it to the world. One would think that I’d have learned a valuable lesson though, and not made the same mistake yet again.

No comment.

So, is the world a better place? Not as of yet, but I’m still hopeful. After all, there is always Easter.




By the way, you probably won't want to click HERE. Don't say I didn't warn you.

20 comments:

Richard & Natalie said...

You said it TF...There is not a better combination in this world than PB & chocolate.

I know that video was really you 28 (probably 29 now) ago. Don't worry your secret is safe with me

Lars said...

Outdated as in expired? Ew that would be really gross to eat expired candy. Also creamy or crunchy PB? That is when going sans candy and opting for the sandwich, celery, etc. combo.

Meg said...

I love Reese's! I stole all of them out of Gage's Valentine Candy he brought home from day care.

Farscaper said...

I in the "I love RPBC" Club!!

I also love Kit Kat's. Sometimes I can't decide.

A Lark said...

We all have our indulgences...

Jody said...

Too awesome. Last night my hubby told me my breath was peanuty-buttery. I looked at him with sincere honesty and proclaimed that peanut butter WAS indeed my favorite past time. He knows when we go to buy Reeses that it has to pass the thumb test. Yeah, I do believe you know what I am talking about.

tammy said...

Eight grocery stores? You were a man with an obsession. Or as I like to call it, purpose. I think my personal high is five grocery stores in one day, and now I don't even remember what I was looking for.

I really want a RPBC now.

Mamma has spoken said...

I like the holiday RPBC better than the regular ones. Here we freeze them before we eat them. Silly I know but we all have our ways to eat them.....
Oh and the guy who sang the song had a bad frontal lisp, guess I would notice......

Gerb said...

Pretty amazing what people will put on youtube these days...

Shannon said...

I find it ironic how the Reese's Valentine's hearts and Easter eggs taste far superior to the regular old cups...intruiging, but oooooooohhhhh so good.

Rachel said...

That 'Rachel' must have known exactly what you needed! Quite possibly because she has the same addiction, fetish, weakness....

I'm just guessing....

Teachinfourth said...

N - Amen sister! Thanks again for that little treat which was delivered today...I don't think I was begging, but I'm grateful you delivered.

The number is 29.4. Memorize it, and then forget it...it will be different tomorrow.

L - Either crunchy or creamy. Love knows no boundaries. Of course, for sandwiches it's super crunch all the way!

M - You were probably doing him a favor; after all, kids shouldn't be addicted to Reese's at this stage of their lives.

FS - If I had a club, you'd be welcome.

J - I notice that you didn't admit any of yours...

J - I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. The fresher the better!

T - Yeah, it sounded pretty lame when I put it into print. When I stopped to think of what that Earth time was worth (as well as gas) I probably ripped myself off...

B - Frozen? I've had them that way before, but they're too hard to gnaw into.

G - No kidding. Wasn't it lamely awesome?

S - I think it's because there's so much more MORENESS, you know?

R - Wow, I certainly hope that 'Rachel' gets some professional help for this addiction.

Then again, there is another person...I'll call her 'Natalie' who brought an Easter egg of peanut-buttery goodness to my classroom today. I tried not to act excited, but inside I was turning cartwheels...

Rachel said...

I'm thinkin....just a random thought....that 'Rachel' and 'Natalie' are feeding your addiction....I'm not sure that is very wise considering they are quite addicted themselves....

Lori said...

I'm laughing too hard to write anything sensical. What do I need to do to get "Rachel" to bring me a Reeses? Move to Utah? And you did warn us about that last link...

"Natalie" said...

Rachel, That is why we are feeding his. Plus, I hate to see a NEED and not try to fill it

Rachel said...

Lori, I bet if 'Rachel' could figure out a way to get you a Reece's that wasn't all oily and melted she'd do it. Just guessing. ;)

Natalie, In that case, I have needs. Major needs!!!!

Rachel said...

And I think I spelled Reece's wrong.....but who knows? Because my comment got sucked into moderation!

Sigh.....moderation in all things......even Reece's PB's I suppose.

Lori said...

I'm feeling much better about myself and my Reeses-less status now...

Richard & Natalie said...

Here is a random piece of trivia for all you RPBC lovers...In Canada, they are called Reese Cups. Same packaging & product, just minus the "S" on the end of Reeses. There you go... You are informed, just in case you are ever on Jeporady and have a random category about obscure facts about candy bars.
I know you all will sleep better tonight, eh?

Just SO said...

Really there is nothing better than chocolate and peanut butter together. Nothing. Sorry you didn't get the heart. I wonder if they make a Reese's Rabbit. Wouldn't that be cool??

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