SCENE 1, INTERIOR. NOON, LUNCHROOM. The teacher is eating lunch with his fifth graders. He listens to several conversations about who did what over the weekend, who is who’s latest crush, and what the preferred after-school snack is amongst many other topics of conversation. The teacher is tapped on the shoulder by the ten year-old boy sitting next to him.
JOEY: Hey, Mr. Z?
TEACHER: What’s up?
JOEY: Have you ever gotten a wedgie before?
TEACHER: A wedgie?
JOEY: Yeah, it’s when somebody grabs your underwear and pulls it up so that –
TEACHER: [Cutting him off]. I know what a wedgie is, Joey.
JOEY: So, have you ever had one before?
TEACHER: Sorry to let you down…nope.
JOEY: My favorite is the yo-yo wedgie.
TEACHER: You have a favorite?
JOEY: Yeah, there’s the yo-yo wedgie, the chilly wedgie, the dangling wedgie…
TEACHER: And you know about all of these different types?
JOEY: [Nodding]. Yeah, but the yo-yo is my favorite; yo-yos are awesome.
TEACHER: I don’t know what to be more disturbed about…the fact that you know so many different types, or that you have a favorite one.
JOEY: I got one once where I could almost taste it in my mouth…
TEACHER: Sounds like a Super Atomic Wedgie.
JOEY: Yeah, that’s why I wear boxers now...
Fade to black.