Thursday, February 9, 2012

Moments with Joey - Defense Mechanisms

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SCENE 1, INTERIOR. MORNING. CLASSROOM. The teacher has just called up his second reading group. Five kids get up from their desks and move over to sit at the kidney-shaped table as the teacher passes out their books on reptile defenses. As the kids open their books, the teacher begins a discussion on some of the defenses they read about the day before.

TEACHER: So what defense have you guys been the most impressed with so far?

GIRL 1: I think that having poisoned fangs is a great way to protect yourself.

GIRL 2: Yeah, that’s probably the best protection.

BOY 1: The camouflage of some lizards and snakes is pretty cool.

BOY 2: It’s weird that some lizards’ tails come off so they can get away.

JOEY: I love the lizard that shoots blood out of its eyes; it’s awesome!

[There is a pause for about two seconds before the boy starts to make squirting noises and pantomimes liquid shooting out of both of his eyes. The entire table is silent for a beat; the other students and the teacher all look wordlessly at the boy.]

TEACHER: Joey, that is so creepy.

JOEY: You know what, Mr. Z? It sure would be cool if you could do that, too.

TEACHER: What, shoot blood out of my eyes?

JOEY: Yeah, but pepper spray!

TEACHER: Now why in the world would I want to do something like that?

JOEY: Well, you know…to spray the bad kids in class.

[Pause]

TEACHER: I think I’d prefer anti-kid juice.

JOEY: [Nodding] And then you’d spray the whole class with it, right?

[Pause]

TEACHER: Nope. I think I’d need it for only one student, Joey.

Fade to black.

3 comments:

Mamma has spoken said...

Ah Joey needs to watch the video of the guy shooting corn out of his eyes!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_bGeH7L1kgs

mCat said...

anti-kid juice! There has to be a market for that somewhere

wendy said...

That Joey is one in a million. He is brilliant really. IMAGINATION overload
I've told you this before
but I could swear, it is almost as if you are writing about my 10 year old grandson.
I just shake my head and smile at these stories.

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