Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Pin It When I left my classroom early this evening I was dreaming about the case of Dr. Pepper I had in my car. I had originally planned on taking it into my classroom and hiding it. One can never be sure when the need will strike for the good doctor.

The case was open and sitting on the front seat.

As I pulled out onto the street I approached an intersection with a stop sign. As I came to a halt, the end of the case (which admittedly was ripped) came open and every single one of those cans of glorious, heavenly nectar came crashing to the floor.

Like a game of Russian roulette, would one want to take a chance on opening a ‘now loaded’ can and suffer the possible consequences?

I think not…at least not in my car.

So, no Dr. for me.

I drove to the post office to mail the dry dough I’d offered out last week. I’d found boxes of sufficient size and took these treasured little parcels to the automated machine to send them off—I couldn’t believe my eyes when the machine told me that the cheapest form of shipment was going to cost $7.55.

Each.

You’ve got to be kidding.

Thinking that this was perhaps an early April Fool’s joke, I tried it again. The appalling results were shamefully unchanged. Thinking that a living postal worker would be able to find a cheaper mode of transport, I joined the throng of people waiting in the line of ‘nearly dead’ which always seem to be at the post office.

I am convinced that most people in bad moods either get jobs at the post office or merely go there to hang out. There must be something in the air which attracts them like lemmings to cliffs over large bodies of water.

As I waited in line for my turn to send my various and sundries, I tried to pass the time by reading over shipping charges for certain boxes and envelopes, the costs of new series of stamps, and tried my hardest not to listen in on the conversation between the postal workers and the customers they were currently helping. However, since there is little to no talking in a post office, it was impossible not to hear what was being said.

I couldn’t believe that a woman was at the counter wanting to purchase one…one stamp with a picture of somebody on it. She then struck up a conversation with the postal worker about how one could get a stamp with a photo of Mullett Spunkle—world’s first nose-hair braider in the continental U.S.

I couldn’t believe it.

In the end she made a $ .73 purchase…and used her credit card.

Some people.

Sometime between now and the millennium I finally found myself at the counter with my three parcels. As the first was weighted I was asked, “How would you like these shipped?”

“As slowly and as cheaply as possible,” I answered. I was still thinking about the automated machine and the ‘joke fares’ it had been trying to charge me.

Poppycock. I thought.

“Looks like the cheapest mode of transport is going to be $7.55.”

Say what?

“Are you sure?” I asked. “Isn’t there a rate for shipping dirt or something? This isn’t crack cocaine, you know.”

Her eyebrows went up a bit.

“What is in these packages?”

“Just dry cookie dough ingredients.”

I was now expecting her to rip one open and investigate the contents, simultaneously throwing herself over the counter and wrestling me to the ground while calling the police with the drug-sniffing dogs. Meanwhile the next customer would get my place in line.

Curses.

Luckily, she didn’t.

She instead began to talk about how much she loved cookies.

As the three weighed up packages were shipped out at somewhere near the cost to buy the three disk Blu-ray version of Prince Caspian, I paid for my shipping in disbelief and started out the door with a smile and a thanks.

However, to my surprise, even as I was leaving the post office, the woman kept talking…she loved cookies. Girl Scout cookies, those sold by schools…heck, she’d love to try them. She’d probably even love to buy some dough…even without trying it. In fact, there were lots of people at the post office that probably would. In fact, if people from Arizona, Washington, and other places in the continental U.S. were wanting to get this stuff, how come she hadn’t heard of it?

I’m taking some samples by tomorrow.

Why the new look?

Mostly because I am lazy.

Oh, and by the way...shipping is going to have to be $4 now...

Chunk-A-Poo for you - II

Pin It Last weekend’s supply went pretty quickly to be honest. However, like I said, I only want to make about 4 or 5 batches of this stuff each week.

I also had several people email and ask if there were any way I could get them some of ‘the goods.’ To appease everyone—far and wide as well as near and close—I have decided that I’ll ship a bag of ‘dry’ ingredients with instructions of the ‘moist’ ones. This is the best that I’ll be able to do in this regard.

Those that opt for this option should optimally know that this is an optional way to optimize options for those optative optimists who’re optimally opting for this option. Of course, it would be about another $3 to ship it…after all, I’d need to go someplace, find (or purchase) a box, package the stuff, and then take it to the post office and send it—just know that I am trying to optimize.

I’m also trying to be fair with this.

If you are a ‘mailer’ then you could expect to get ‘the package’ in approximately 7 days—less if the mail carriers are running on winged feet of destiny.

4 or 5 batches today—that is all.

But don’t worry…I’m planning on doing it again next week—so getting it this week could be optional.

Chunk-A-Poo for you

Pin It People have been asking.

After all, they have needs…as do I.

As of late, I’ve found that several people have been craving cookie dough—Chunk-A-Poo dough to be exact. Of course, I can’t blame them…after all; I love the stuff myself and would not be opposed to making a nice, large batch of it and eating a bit without even cooking it.

Take that back—eating most of it without cooking it.

What can I say? I love the stuff, like I love to breathe.

I have found that I usually only make this delicacy about once every 4 weeks or so; however, there seems to be a ‘demand’ from various friends, and one batch tends to change into two just so that enough people can get a little baggie of it.

I was talking to a dear friend recently who made the observation, “If there are enough people who want the stuff, why don’t you just sell it?”

Sell it? To real people?

Now, I don’t want to make this into a weekly drudgery where I am feeling obligated to make it all the time; however, I’ve decided—for the time being—to make a few batches each week. To be honest, I don’t know how many I’ll make each week…at least not yet. I’m going to put them in gallon-sized plastic freezer bags, and put them in the fridge or freezer. It is there that they’ll sit and wait until somebody wants them. When that week’s supply is gone…it’s gone. I’ll do it again the following week.

So, how do I get one?

Good question!

Either make a comment on this post or send an email to teachinfourth@gmail.com. Be sure to include something in the subject line like, ‘Chunk-A-Poo.’ I’ll let you know on this post when those I’ve made for the week are gone—I think I’ll make 4 or 5 and see how this goes at first. I’ll decide from there how I’ll handle it in the future.

Hey, I still have a few questions…

Fire away.

Are these free?

Well, no. Unless the stores start giving away all the ingredients, this dough will not be either (I know, what was I thinking?). Also, it takes time to get the stuff together and make it. Therefore, I’ve decided to let the batches go for $11 each. That way, the several hours it will take each week to make them will be worth it. Also, I won’t go into debt purchasing the ‘secret’ ingredients—after all, there are several of them.

What if I really have a need and you’ve run out for the week?

Bummer. Sorry to hear that. Don’t worry though, there’ll always be another Saturday and I’ll make a few more then—provided I’m not out of town on a photographic expedition of some type. If you emailed (or commented) as the first person after the last batch is sold, you’ll be on the top of the list for the next week.

How many cookies does this batch really make?

To be honest, I have no idea. Most of it is consumed as just dough (I’m pretty sure) so I’ve never really found the answer to that question. However, I am pretty sure that it’ll make anywhere from 80 - 95 cookies—depending on the size you make them.

What if nobody wants to buy this stuff from you?

I’m not really that worried, to be honest…if they doesn’t sell, no big deal. Nobody can’t say that I didn’t offer it up, and I’ll still provide it on a ‘as needed’ basis for those who are die-hards.

Do you ship the stuff?

No…sorry. Your address has to be local. That way, I can either drop it off or you can pick it up. I haven’t decided on the delivery mode as of yet…if you live in Provo, I’ll probably deliver, someplace else…you will most likely need to come to me.

Do you provide the Rolos for the center of the cookies?

No. I could only do that if I charged more…I know, those aren’t free either, are they? Curse those grocery stores!

When are you going to start doing this?

This afternoon. I’m going to lunch with a group of friends and will check back on my email when I’ve returned. Like I said earlier—I plan to make about 5 batches today.

Well, I guess that’s it…after all, I have nothing else to say on the matter—for now.

Why cookie dough doesn't taste the same

Pin It I remember when I was a little kid.

Whenever my mom would bake chocolate-chip cookies I’d always be anxious to get at that bowl of dough. I would dream of a day when I’d be able to make an entire batch of cookie dough and then eat it all.

I wouldn’t even share it.

However, when I was a kid and Mom would make cookies, she’d always use this ancient mixer with two beaters to get the dough ready. When it was sufficiently mixed, she’d push that little button and the beaters would shoot off of the mixer like a pop gun. She’d then use the scraper to get nearly all of the dough off—but not quite.

Mom would then hand these beaters out to us kids. And when mom gave you a beater to lick, it was like licking the dew of the gates of heaven.

It always amazed me just how much dough was really on each of those beaters. Especially when a little trained tongue was covering every square centimeter in the desperate attempt to get as much off of them as humanly possible.

There was really something magical about cookie dough enjoyed this way.

When I got older and had moved out, I decided that I would make a triple batch of cookie dough and my roommate and I would eat it all while watching one of the Back to the Future movies….It wasn’t as wonderful as I thought it would be. Visions of pure unadulterated bliss faded away, and a sensation of nausea took its place instead.

It was not what I had expected.

Even after this sickening experience, over the years I’ve made hundreds of batches of dough…the most popular is that of the notorious “Chunk-A-Poo” cookie which is...how do I describe it?

Wonder?
Bliss?
A party in your mouth?

No matter how you say it…the stuff is good. I decided to make a batch of this dough and as I was cleaning off the one solitary beater, I looked at all those little chunks of dough clinging to it.


As I did, a thought occurred to me. The reason that cookie dough does not taste the same to me is that when I was a kid, it was a limited commodity. There was scarcity. Hence, I enjoyed what I had a lot more. Being able to make it when I’m an adult, and can eat as much as I want makes it lose some of its magic.

As this thought come to mind I decided I’d only eat what was on the beater.


You know what? It still tastes like those pearly gates

I heard the voice...

Pin It Upon arriving home I began to work on various tasks. I’m all about doing the ‘not fun’ stuff in order to get to what I really enjoy. That was when I heard the voice.

It was speaking from the freezer.

I opened the refrigerator door and noticed a white bag which seemed to be calling to me. Now, before you jump to conclusions and imagine disembodied voices, or think that I had a body bag stuffed into my freezer (though there’d be no room for it with the current lack of vacancy in there) I will admit that it was actually a small white bag.

This bag.

I had carefully sealed up this bag over a month ago, ensuring that no air would get inside. I also tucked it away so as it would not to be crushed by other foodstuffs. After all, this little bag was important.

Now, I can almost hear the cogs turning in your brain. “Just what is in that little bag?”

Good question.

It was this…


Remember that cookie I was telling you about before? The one from Safeway which I love so much? Well, it was it.

I had to have it tonight.

So I did...with milk.

I certainly hope that the request I made to my dad for backup wasn’t taken as a joke.

After all, I know the voice will call yet again.

My dear, old friend

Pin It When I was on my trip to Spokane I decided to visit an old friend.

It had been a long time since we’d been around each other. I couldn’t believe just how much she’d stayed the same, just how good she was still. It was like not a moment had passed. Though I myself had new lines on my face and had gained weight, my friend hadn’t changed in the slightest.

She was still just as sweet and wonderful as I remembered. She also seemed to have this breathtaking aroma which wafted about the very air around her. She is, I must say, unforgettable.

I’m glad we were able to reconnect again.


Unfortunately, Safeway is the only place I’ve been able to find this delectable delight, and sadly, Safeway does not exist in Utah.

Curses.

This, that, and the other

Pin It It’s been an eventful week.

Sorry I have been away for a few days.

To be honest, I missed you all. I missed writing. After all, it seems that I don’t write anymore unless it is for work or for blogging.

While I won’t try to sugar-coat anything, I do know that many of you are curious as to what happened this weekend up at Sundance. While my sister tended to focus on the positive end of the experience, I instead decided to attend a pity party where all of the presents were for me.

I shut off my phone for two days.

I didn’t head to the blogging world to read up on anyone

If I’m being honest, a part of this was because of just being tired. Another part was because I had a lot to say, but didn’t feel like writing any of it down. The final part is that I just wanted a break for a few days.

Oh, and the amount of sales this weekend didn’t even cover the cost of the fee to have ‘spot’ up at Sundance.



There, with all of that said and done, let us instead move on to much more interesting things…such as the website.

So, will it REALLY be ready on Saturday like I promised?

To be honest, I don’t know. I look at it and there are a lot of empty spaces still. I am a bit nervous about that. I need to get a few more items uploaded (and written) so that will undoubtedly be tomorrow’s endeavor as I don’t feel much like working on it today.

Tonight I instead am listening to Nickel Creek and baking cookies.


Yeah, I’m so domestic, aren’t I?

Actually, the cookies are not for me. They are for a class who is bound and determined to have 100% of them turn in completed assignments. After trying for over a month, they finally did it for the first time today. You could feel the excitement in the room…mostly because they all broke into cheers and there was a lot of high-fives being passed around—as well as praise being slogged in every direction.

Ah, the subtle ways of a teacher to get his students to do their homework.

I just hope the ball continues to roll and does not lose the momentum it has now gained.

Time will undoubtedly tell as today slips into tomorrow.

I have nothing else to say as of the time being. However, I am still hopeful that the website will do something…

What?

Make tons of money of course…

I’d also like a rocket…

Perhaps a nice, big bag full of gold too…

Maybe a pony…