Monday, January 24, 2011

Moments with Joey – Scout Survival Cookies

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SCENE 1, INTERIOR. MORNING, CLASSROOM. The teacher is reviewing the day’s Math lesson before school starts. A fifth grade boy enters the classroom carrying a plate of cookies covered in plastic wrap. He approaches the teacher with the plate and a grin as wide as Christmas.

JOEY: Mr. Z?

TEACHER: What’s up, Joey?

JOEY: Were you ever a Cub or Boy Scout?

TEACHER: Yeah, but that was quite a few years ago.

JOEY: Then you’ll love what I made for you yesterday! In Scouts with my mom we made cookies for fun; it was also part of this survival thing my older brother was doing for a badge or something. I thought you’d like some of them.

TEACHER: Thanks, Joey. That’s very nice of you.

JOEY: I’ll just put them here. [The boy puts the plate on the edge of the teacher’s desk]. You might want to try one; they’re pretty good.

TEACHER: I’m sure they’re delicious, Joey.

JOEY: They have grasshoppers in them, too.


TEACHER: They have what in them?

JOEY: Grasshoppers. See? [The boy points at the cookies, each has large chunks of grasshoppers sticking out of them: amongst the chocolate chips are torsos, severed wings, and even the head of a grasshopper is staring back at the teacher with its dead eyes. A feeling of nausea arises in the teacher’s stomach as he looks away from the cookies and back at the boy’s smiling face].

JOEY: I told my brother we couldn’t eat them all because I wanted to share some of them with you.

TEACHER: Gee, thanks, Joey. That’s very…thoughtful of you.

[The boy grins and heads outside to play with his friends before school starts. The teacher looks again at the cookies on the plate and feels a shudder of revulsion as he moves the plate to the far corner of his desk].

SCENE 2, INTERIOR. NOON, CLASSROOM. The teacher is writing instructions on the board for the afternoon writing assignment as Joey comes rushing into the classroom.

JOEY: Mr. Z, you haven’t eaten all of your cookies yet, have you?

TEACHER: Uh, no, I haven’t...not yet. I was saving them.

JOEY: Oh. Well, could I have a couple of them?

TEACHER: Sure, I guess so.

JOEY: Awesome.

[The boy snags two of the three cookies and heads outside to recess. The teacher shakes his head as he finishes writing instructions on the board. When he finishes, he returns to his desk and picks up the plate with the last chocolate chip cookie on it. He’s getting ready to throw it in the trash when Joey comes back into the classroom].

JOEY: Hey, Mr. Z? Were you going to eat that last cookie?

TEACHER: Well, I’m kind of watching what I eat right now, Joey. I don’t want to be having too much sugar or anything else, you know.

[The boy looks at the cookie, then back at his teacher].

JOEY: Can I have it, then?

TEACHER: Sure, Joey. But I really do appreciate you making them for me.

JOEY: No problem, Mr. Z.

[The boy grabs the last cookie].

TEACHER: What did you do with the other two cookies?

JOEY: Well, nobody believed that I made them with my mom, so I took them outside to show everybody.

TEACHER: What did you do after you showed them to everyone?

JOEY: I ate them; they’re delicious.

[At this the boy opens his mouth and takes a huge bite of his grasshopper cookie, chewing it with apparent relish].

JOEY: They’re really good, but sometimes pieces can kind of get stuck in your throat of you don’t chew them up good.

TEACHER: I’ll take your word on that, Joey.

[The boy finishes up the cookie and then gets a drink from the classroom fountain].

JOEY: Maybe when we make them next time you won’t be on a diet, Mr. Z.

TEACHER: I can only hope so, Joey.

[Fade to black].

NOTE: I wish now that I’d taken a photo of these cookies, but being so grossed out by the whole experience, it didn’t even cross my mind. The closest thing I could find to what they sort of looked like was this shot I found online:


Shawna said...

Oh man, that picture at the end makes this your most disgustingly funny post to date!

Chrissy said...

as they say "its the thought that counts" lol....I thought joey made it up just so he could eat all the cookies himself!.

Mindee said...

I just have to know . . . WHY???? Why cookies with grasshoppers? Why?

Justin said...

That is just awesome. I am cracking up over here.

Rachel said...

Grasshoppers in cookies. What a waste of perfectly good chocolate! That totally bugs me! Man that bites!

Bonnie said...

I'm totally grossed out here. Though I have seen that eating bugs can be an expensive venture. Some people will pay upward of the hundreds for a 'special' meal of nothing but bugs.
A friend of mine was give a sucker for Halloween that had a spider inside of it by a student. She thought it was a rubber spider until I pointed out that there was no way to get a rubber spider's leg to do what it was doing in the sucker. She threw it away and when the student asked how it was, she just told him 'buggy' ;o)

Nells said...

NO way!

Teachinfourth said...

It was originally all to do with a merit badge of some sort...of course, this is funny after the fact, but at the time I was pretty grossed out to be honest.

Karen said...

I do believe you will receive special blessings for not chucking them immediately into the garbage.

When I was in girl scouts, the only grasshoppers we ate were the mint chocolate variety

Tammy said...

I'm really trying to think of what situation I could possibly be in where I needed to survive on grasshoppers, but also had the ingredients to make chocolate chip cookies.

Yanet said...

No way! You're pulling our leg! Boys are icky but come on!

Teachinfourth said...

Believe it or not, it is real. Like I said, I wish I'd taken a photo of said cookies, but I didn't.

Nuttley said...

At least, he was open about what was in them instead of you biting into one and getting a grasshopper leg stuck in your throat. But eww, eww, EWWW!

Tonya said...

perfect post for me today - as I WAS having a hard time sticking to my diet...

alas, now I'm having a hard time keeping down anything :)

Just SO said...

I think that you should have at least tasted them! Gotta love scouts.

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