Wednesday, February 9, 2011

The Email Chain

Pin It
It was about eight or nine months ago that I was introduced to this savvy little bit of comedic genius from David Thorne. It is told via email replies back and forth.

It made me laugh.

A lot.

Oh, and I don't like cats, either...

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.20am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Poster.
Hi
I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.

Missy
This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.
Thanks Shannon.


From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
That is shocking news. Luckily I was sitting down when I read your email and not half way up a ladder or tree. How are you holding up? I am surprised you managed to attend work at all what with thinking about Missy out there cold, frightened and alone… possibly lying on the side of the road, her back legs squashed by a vehicle, calling out “Shannon, where are you?”
Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.
Regards, David.


From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Poster

yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.




From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
I never said I don’t like cats. Once, having been invited to a party, I went clothes shopping beforehand and bought a pair of expensive G-Star boots. They were two sizes too small but I wanted them so badly I figured I could just wear them without socks and cut my toenails very short. As the party was only a few blocks from my place, I decided to walk. After the first block, I lost all feeling in my feet. Arriving at the party, I stumbled into a guy named Steven, spilling Malibu & coke onto his white Wham ‘Choose Life’ t-shirt, and he punched me. An hour or so after the incident, Steven sat down in a chair already occupied by a cat. The surprised cat clawed and snarled causing Steven to leap out of the chair, slip on a rug and strike his forehead onto the corner of a speaker; resulting in a two inch open gash. In its shock, the cat also defecated, leaving Steven with a foul stain down the back of his beige cargo pants. I liked that cat.
Attached poster as requested.
Regards, David.




From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small?




From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
It’s a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.
Regards, David.




From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please. Thanks.




From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don’t come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I am willing to overlook this faux pas due to you no doubt being preoccupied with thoughts of Missy attempting to make her way home across busy intersections or being trapped in a drain as it slowly fills with water. I spent three days down a well once but that was just for fun.
I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.
Regards, David.




From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it to say Lost.




From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster




From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.




From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Awww

Dear Shannon,
I don’t have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend’s cat for a week but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter, I kept the cat in a closed cardboard box in the shed and forgot about it. If I wanted to feed something and clean faeces, I wouldn’t have put my mother in that home after her stroke. A week later, when my friend came to collect his cat, I pretended that I was not home and mailed the box to him. Apparently I failed to put enough stamps on the package and he had to collect it from the post office and pay eighteen dollars. He still goes on about that sometimes, people need to learn to let go.
I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions.
Regards, David.




From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Awww

Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat.




From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Awww

I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says “I haven’t seen your orange cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?” you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.
I knew someone who had a basset hound that had its hind legs removed after an accident and it had to walk around with one of those little buggies with wheels. If it had been my dog I would have asked for all its legs to be removed and replaced with wheels and had a remote control installed. I could charge neighbourhood kids for rides and enter it in races. If I did the same with a horse I could drive it to work. I would call it Steven.
Regards, David.




From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Please just use the photo I gave you.




From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww




From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove the reward bit. Thanks Shan.




From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww




From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.




From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww



From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
Fine. That will have to do.

22 comments:

Stef said...

Yeah. THat was funny. I too am not a lover of cats.

Connie said...

I like most cats but/and that was funny!

Mamma has spoken said...

I think David Thorne is 'Joey who doesn't like cats' dad :/

Joan said...

Thanks for the belly laugh this morning. I nearly spit coffee over "I would name him Steven."

=D

Linn said...

Oh man, the naming him Steven got me. That was funny stuff for sure.

Ms Bibi said...

Lol, thanks for starting my morning with a chuckle....not a car person. Don't mind them, but wouldn't own them.

Carrie Stuart said...

I own a cat and love her very much...but this is one of the funniest things I've read in a long time. I laughed to the point of gasping for air. My kids came in the room to check on me. Thanks for sharing. =^)

Mindee@ourfrontdoor said...

That should come with a warning to not read at work. I'm sitting here giggling and getting funny looks from passers by.

Rachel said...

Oh my gosh! I almost hit that cat! The other day! I was driving Mr. J home from school and it ran out right in front of me! I slammed on my breaks and barely missed it. Mr. J said I should have hit it and that would be cool if I killed the cat. I gave him a lecture on how killing animals isn't cool and not funny.

So there's no reward? Guess I shoulda hit the cat after all.... total waste of break usage....and seatbelt whiplash.

KIDDING!!!! I used to love cats. Now I'm all 'petted' out.

Justin said...

That is one of the funniest things I have ever seen! It never gets old. I love it!

T said...

awe. some. the Re: Re: Re: Re: in the subject line was cracking me up... sometimes it's the little things, and sometimes it's the long winded story about the wonder-cat that exacted its revenge on the creepy party dude ;)

Shannon said...

I'm completely losing it ~ not good to read blog posts like this while the kids are supposed to be doing independent seat work...they had to tell me to settle down! Hilarious!

tammy said...

I've seen that a few times but it always makes me laugh. I can totally see my brother Justin responding as David did. Hilarious. I'm still laughing.

brokentogether said...

This was absolutely hilarious. I followed your link from a comment that you left on my blog and you had me rolling on the floor in laughter. I needed a laugh like that. Thanks!!!

FabuLeslie said...

Ohmygoodness. As an animal lover, I hate that guy. But as someone who likes to laugh, my favorite part was when he used the poster from Lost. Hi-Larious!!

Gerb said...

This is one of the few times I can use the popular phrase LOL and mean it. I almost stopped breathing, I was laughing/crying so hard. David Thorne is my hero.

I am going to be in the middle of a grocery store a month from now and something will remind me of this post and I'm going to bust out laughing. I know it.

Richard & Natalie said...

Blasted cat haters....all of you! ;)

Although, it did make me chuckle.

My favorite is the "LOST" poster.

Kate said...

I have "KITTEN CHILDREN" and I think this is beyond hilarious. My favourite is probably, "It's a design thing. The cat is lost in negative space."

tecris said...

Only a genius can come up with those posters LOL and with great humor too. Should I find any of them anywhere I will probably join the quest for Missy the Cat.

And I hate cats....

I like the one with "Extremely emotional I was in tears" LOL

Lance said...

All very funny, but "I would call it Steven" takes the prize.

Karen Peterson said...

I can't decide which one is the best, but the LOST TV poster made me cry from laughing.

Where do you find this stuff??

Sarah said...

Yep, I love my OUTDOOR cats who keep the mice and snakes and scorpions at bay, but I love most animals that serve a purpose.

This made me laugh A LOT. Thanks so so so much for sharin!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...