Thursday, February 3, 2011

Ruminations at 5:00 AM

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I found myself on the threshold of decisions this morning as I rolled over and looked at my alarm clock. I blinked unbelievingly at the time displayed: 3:30.

Should I get up or just lay here?

As I stared up at the ceiling fan, a thousand questions rattled about inside my head, like pennies in an empty coffee can. I knew if I were to get up, I would most likely become tired early in the day – probably being spent by lunchtime. This was doubtless not the best alternative when one has a class of 26 rambunctious students, and faced with the likelihood of an inside day if the temperature is too low…

I lay there and willed myself back to sleep.

Sleep wouldn’t come.

After nearly an hour of tossing and turning, I arose from bed with the barrage of questions flitting about my head like hummingbirds. These thoughts followed me into the shower, they remained with me as I shaved, and even pursued me as I made my way downstairs…pummeling me with both ideas and wonderings as I looked outside into the still and chilled morning darkness that swept out from my doorstep.

I could head off to work, I thought. No, the building was armed and I’d set off the alarm if I tried to enter at 5:00 a.m.

I sat at the kitchen counter and ignited the screen of my laptop. I went to my Reader and began to peruse through the stories of your lives, my post listings having neared the 500 mark. I read over of your struggles. I contemplated your personal situations. I found myself smiling at the humoristic stories you shared. I felt sorrowed at your overwhelming trials and pains.

I connected with you.

I didn’t comment on many posts, but instead slipped quietly into your lives not making my presence known. Just know that I did come. I now prepare to finish readying myself before the day truly begins and the world begins to wake.

Thanks for being there for me this morning.

And thanks for sharing.

24 comments:

Joan said...

You're welcome. You made realize how many times it is my blogs, those that I read, that flavor my moments. They are the back fence, the anticipated letter in the mail, the catch-up phone call in this new century.

Have a good day and let the 26 refuel you with their energy.

Kelly said...

What a nicely written post Jason. Blogging and reading blogs is one of the best things to do when you cannot sleep. I hope you can endure the day on little sleep and slip in a nap after work today : )

Kalei's Best Friend said...

WHAT would we do w/out that handy laptop? I am now spoiled by it... More so because it's so portable...i often do what u do- and reading other people's thoughts is comforting...

Connie said...

It's frustrating when sleep escapes in the wee hours of the morning, but there's something to be said about spending quiet moments to reflect and discover.
I hope you make it through the day without having to consume lots of caffeine.

Oilfield Trash said...

Great post.

I have trouble getting out of my bed every single day.

Anonymous said...

Funny, I tossed and turned ALL night as well. For VERY different reasons though.
My little car and I met our demise after young womens last night. Not too bad. Buddy in the other car decided to sail through a yield sign. Not too much damage.
However, I still tossed and turned and thought "what could I have done differently"?
On to your thoughts, I often love to read the thoughts and posts of others and know whats happening in their lives.
I suffer from insomnia quite regularly. I should do this more often. I usually just continue to toss and turn.
Thanks for your post. You are a great writer, among your other many talents!

tammy said...

So you were stalking is what you mean.

I was awake then, too, but only because of Luvpilot's snoring. But I changed beds and went back to sleep.

MBGITWWR said...

I don't really know how to comment today. I just wanted to say that I can relate. I've woken up early, many a day, trying to figure out how to go about at such an early hour.... and my blogging friends have helped quite a bit. Thanks for being one of those blogging friends. I do apologize that my blog is no longer up and running. It is what it is and it's for the best. Have a great day!

Mindee@ourfrontdoor said...

I hope you can get a nap today, or at least a good cup of coffee. :)

mama-face said...

"Pennies in an empty coffee can"-perfect metaphor and one I'll use, in my head of course, from now on.

I'm amazed that you can keep your thoughts clear after getting up so early. And handle 26 kids all day. Super Teacher.

How DID you get that picture... is there a camera in your alarm clock? Too personal?

Rachel said...

I was up too! I was at the gym down the street from you in Springville. Not much was going through my brain though. Just the constant glance at the clock wondering when the pain was going to end. :) And why it has to be so dark still and do dang cold! And why McDonald's has to be right there on that street corner with hot cocoa and french fries! Open at all hours!!! I glare at that McDonald's every morning as I turn and drive by it. One should not be tempted so early in the morning with a Big Mac and fries.......

Sue said...

I've done the same, many times. (At my age that early morning insomnia thing is becoming a regular occurrence!)

=)

Nuttley said...

I had one of those nights too, but I just couldn't get to sleep. I was drifting off about the time you were waking up.
I'm sorry about your morning, but I'm glad you found distraction in the stories of others.
I hope you are making it through your day. Perhaps a little help from our little friend Dr. P. may be in order.
I hope you pin down those thoughts and find some answers AND sleep soon.

T said...

early morning blog reading is a great idea for those insomniac nights. I think ManOfTheHouse would appreciate me not tossing and turning so much so that he could rest :)

Our new clock projects the time onto the ceiling... a mixed blessing - especially when you wake up at 3:30...

Jenny said...

Every morning I pop awake at 4am. I use to try to go back to sleep. Now I get up, have some tea and read blogs. Some times I leave comments other times I just ponder what I have read.

Hope you can get some rest. Being a teacher could really wear you out when you have not gotten enough sleep. Don't for get to hand sanitize. Seems this is the season for icky colds.

Mamma has spoken said...

I've been doing the same thing the past couple of nights too. Makes it hard to get throught the work day. Hope the rest of your day went well.

Mr. Hughes said...

Thanks for such great posts. I always leaving feeling like a better person because you have shared!

Shaun Zimmerman said...

Great post Jason! Amazingly it takes longer to read through the comments than the post! Here I sit after waking up at 3:16 unable to sleep getting caught up on the blogs I follow. Small world, eh?

Linn said...

Fabulous post! I'd better get on posting something new these days, in case you pull another 3:30 in the morning. I wouldn't want to disappoint. :)

M-Cat said...

Love this post. I have just spent the better part of my workday getting back into the lives of my virtual friends.

And why does it make me so happy? I guess slipping into someone else's world for a minute or two is a nice escape from your own. Even for just a minute or two......

: )

Cherie said...

I can SOOO relate to this. I often peruse blogs in the early am hours when sleep runs away from me but I don't quite have the energy to comment.
Something nice about having friends there in the middle of the night :-D

Marnie said...

I can't tell you how many times this has happened to me. I'm better off getting up and doing something quietly.

I read blogs like some people read the newspaper. Nice isn't it?

Karen Peterson said...

I often find myself trying to decide between going back to sleep (and, inevitably, oversleeping) or just getting up when I wake so early.

This was a really nice post. I've been trying to think of a more articulate comment to share, but I'm just going to have to go with thank you.

Valerie said...

I get nervous when I have insomnia, for the same reason: worry that I'll peter out before the kids do. (Though I imagine 2 is easier than 26). Next time I'll have to ease my worries by catching up on blogs. Thanks for your comments!

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