Merry Christmas - Calvin & Hobbes Style

Pin It First off, Merry Christmas...

Now, if you think you might be offended, don't click the video below.

However, I think it's simply brilliant.



You should be able to find quite a few similarities amongst these:

 

Facebook Etiquette: The Friend Request

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I’ve recently been faced with a dilemma which all of you on Facebook have found yourself confronting at one time or another…if not before, then it will one day undoubtedly happen.

The decision of whether or not to accept that notorious ‘friend request’.

Something important to know about Facebook before we go any further is that it is a social network; more importantly your social network. It is a place where you go, where you post what you’re doing in your life. Often people will post photos of their families and important events; Facebook is a place to keep the people you care about updated on what and how you’re doing.

However, with any great technology comes the downside. There are times when an acquaintance you know finds you on Facebook through the comment you left on someone else’s status, while browsing through their friends, or even through the “Friends Suggestion” application. Whatever means they used to find you doesn’t matter—it just matters that they did. They click excitedly over to your profile only to get the message which says: “_______ only shares certain information with everyone. To learn more about _________, add them as a friend.”

Upon seeing that message they click on the link and get the ‘friend request’ popup message: “_________ will have to confirm that you are friends.”

Poor, unsuspecting you logs into Facebook at some clandestine later time to discover that the social friendship ball has been knocked into your court; unfortunately this other person is often bound and determined to get you added in to their collection of social friends and vice-versa.

This is where many people start to waver. They start to wonder if they should just accept the request…after all, they hit ignore twice already and the person has since repeated the request. I have a friend who denied a request over six times from one person—sometimes, others just can’t take a hint.

I love what “Dear Ken” from Socialsama had to say on the matter to a woman who wrote in about this very thing. His response to her was this:

Are you a Facebook ho and accept all friend requests, or do you want to set up a friend criteria? Sooner or later you will have to choose the latter. I had a great conversation from a “mom” perspective with my wife and her cousin about this. Cousin Madge put it in simple terms, “I befriend them on Facebook if I feel comfortable enough with showing my kids’ pics to them.”

I love the simplicity of the response. The first thing you should ask yourself is: are you comfortable in having this person added as your friend? If not, your answer is already loud and clear.

Now, by having a lot of contacts, I’m in no way implying that you are seeking friends on Facebook as a social badge of honor—but let’s be candid here, there are people out there who do. They feel that if they have a slew of ‘friends’ on their list, it makes them important and gives them some kind of cyberspacular popularity.

Is that what you want; five hundred ‘friends’ whom you could care less about, or thirty you really like? Now, maybe you really do have five hundred people whom you love and they all love you back; and maybe I’m incredibly jealous because of it… perhaps you also found the secret way to get into Narnia AND Hogwarts. If so, add me as your friend, too.

I would have to suggest that you need to ask yourself a few questions about your Facebook Friend Request…Would you feel comfortable in inviting this person over to dinner? Hanging out with them for an evening? Sitting with them at a social gathering for longer than twenty minutes? Sending them a friendly email? Calling them on the phone just to say hello? Waving at them as you pass by them on the street?

If you can’t answer to yes to any of the above questions, I’d be hesitant to accept that friend request. In fact, I’d be hesitant if I could only answer yes to only one or two of them.

It was Gavin Morgan at Loose Gravel who came up with a simple ‘test’ to see whether or not you should really accept that Facebook request.

How long ago in months has it been since you last spoke to this person?

1. >24
2. 2 - 24
3. 0 - 2

*if you can't remember, then the answer is #1

How would you rate the quality of interaction you have/had with this person? If you just met the person, what is your guess about the quality of interaction you will have?

1. Nauseating to just okay
2. Pretty good
3. Exceptional

If you went the rest of your life never hearing from this person ever again, how noticeable would it be? Again, if you recently met the person, take your best guess.

1. Noticeably awesome to Would never notice
2. Occasionally noticeable
3. Extremely noticeable

If your score is 6-9, friend them; if your score is 3-5, feel free to ignore that request.

Still not convinced of what to do?

Well, if you still can’t make up your mind you could always just hit accept for now and change their settings to restricted - this way, there are limitations as to what they can view on your page and what updates the’ll have access to. You could add them to a certain group so that their updates are not shown in your usual stream, or you could even add them for now and then go in and delete them as a friend in a month or two. Since Facebook doesn’t notify people when their friendship status has been revoked, you could always just blame it on a fault in the program if the ‘revoking’ was ever discovered.

For now, it might be enough to keep the wolves off your back.

Whatever the route you choose to take, just remember that this is YOUR social network. Think of why you have it and the people you want to be a part of it. There will come a point when you have to make a decision of just who you’re willing to accept. One semi-drastic measure you could always take if you're worried about offending anyone (or are just sick of the huge list you already have) is to simply delete everyone in your friends list and start over again from scratch. I did that once and it was quite the liberating feeling; the really great thing is that nobody could say that I deleted them and only them...not when I told them that I deleted my parents, too.

Moments with Joey - Guys & Boys

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SCENE 1, INTERIOR. MORNING, HALLWAY. The students are taking a three-minute drink and restroom break. As they finish, they group in two lines near the drinking fountain. The teacher stands at the head of the lines, making sure that the kids are not goofing off. One of the fifth grade boys in line is gazing intently at a poster on a nearby wall of different U.S. Landmarks, he turns to face his teacher.

JOEY: Mr. Z, where do geysers come from?

TEACHER: Geysers?

[The teacher’s eyes flick to the poster where an image of Old Faithful can clearly be seen near the bottom right corner].

JOEY: Yeah, how do they start?

TEACHER: Well, geysers first start off as little boy-sers, and then they slowly develop to one day become fully-grown guy-sers…

[The kids standing in line erupt into fits of hysterical laughter. There is a short pause from the boy before his face splits into a huge grin].

JOEY: And when they get old they become ‘geezers’ and get stinky, like my grandpa, right?

[The teacher smiles back].

TEACHER: Yep. [Pause] And that’s something for you to look forward to one day.

[Fade to black]

Rites of Passage. AKA: The WoMAN Voice

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I finally did it—even after years of careful listening—I mistook my friend’s 11 year-old son for his mother.

I firmly believe that a milestone in life has been reached when a pubescent boy experiences a stretching of limbs, facial features, and vocal chords—making him sound akin to a grown-up woman—not too dissimilar to an adult Michael Jackson.

“Hey *Becky, how’s it going?”

“This isn’t Becky, this is her son, *Joey.”

Verbal Faux pas.

I felt instantaneously terrible for what I’d done; I quickly began to backpedal, talking about how I couldn’t hear properly because the stereo was up far too loud, my windows were down, passing traffic was flying by in the opposite lane, a sonic boom had just thundered down from the heavens, the air-raid sirens had suddenly started blaring signifying a nuclear fallout, and aliens had stolen my eardrums and replaced them with cotton swabs.

As I apologized I though back to the days of my own mom-voiceness, and the numerous callers that would mistake me for my mom. This started to happen so frequently that there came a point where I either wouldn’t answer the phone, or would intentionally lower my voice several octaves so that there would be no way on heaven or Earth that I could be mistaken for her.

It usually didn’t work.

In fact, I can remember one day when I was so sick and tired of saying, “This isn’t her; this is her son,” that I decided to simply roll with it. I carried on a complete conversation with a salesman who was trying to get us to switch our life insurance playing the part of my mother.

I was amazing.

Luckily, this awkward period quickly passed, and I was never mistaken as my mother again.

I arrived back at the present.

“So anyhow, that’s how come I couldn’t tell it was you.”

“Oh, that’s okay…” he responded with a trailed off voice.

I just couldn’t bear to tell him that he did sound like a woman on the phone.

However, maybe I should have. After all, it is a rite of passage…


*These are not their real names; I wanted to protect the identity of both Stephanie and Tanner.

I originally 'aired' this post at Four Perspectives.


Photo shamelessly pilfered from here: http://www.topnotchparents.com

Moments with Joey - Just Checking

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SCENE 1, INTERIOR. LATE MORNING, CLASSROOM. The class is returning from the Science rotations at the other fifth grade teachers’ classrooms. As the kids file back to their desks, the teacher is approached by one of his students.

JOEY: Mr. Z, do my eyes match my shoes?

TEACHER: What?

JOEY: My eyes. I was wondering if they matched my shoes.

[The teacher looks down at the boy’s shoes – black with green stripes – and then back up at his brown eyes. As he opens his mouth to answer to the boy’s question, the boy feigns a look of shock and his voice takes on a tone of disbelief].

JOEY: Mr. Z…were you just checking me out?

[The teacher stands for a silent beat as the boy breaks into laughter].

TEACHER: Nope, I was just trying to decide which orphanage to send you to…

[Fade to black]

Moments with Joey - Mistaken Identities

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SCENE 1, INTERIOR. AFTERNOON, CLASSROOM. The teacher is having a few students call home before heading off to remedial classes if their math assignment was not completed. Three students are waiting to use the phone. One boy, waiting at the back of the line, waits his turn. After a few minutes, he picks up the receiver and dials a number. The teacher is getting a few items ready as the rest of the class is transitioning to their other groups and overhears the boy’s side of the conversation.

JOEY: [Spoken into phone] Hi, Mom, it’s me. [Pause] I didn’t finish my math assignment today when we corrected it, and I was told that I had to call home to let you know. [Pause]. I didn’t have time to finish it all last night. [Pause]. I wanted to, but I got busy. [Pause]. Okay. [Pause]. Okay. [Pause]. Yeah, I love you, too.

[The boy hangs up the phone and then stands for a moment, staring at the receiver. He looks somewhat bemused. By this time, the most of the class has filed out and the remedial group has started to enter the classroom].

TEACHER: Joey, is something wrong?

JOEY: My mom said I should have gotten my homework done. [Pause]. She also said that I’m grounded for two weeks.

TEACHER: Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, but you know you really should have gotten it done.

[Pause].

JOEY: Mr. Z?

TEACHER: Yeah?

JOEY: I think I dialed the wrong number…I don’t think that was my mom.

TEACHER: What was that?

JOEY: I said, I think I called the wrong number. When I was talking to that lady I was thinking she was my mom, but then I think that maybe she wasn’t. I think I mixed up two of the numbers and dialed the wrong house.

[The teacher is trying hard not to start laughing, and also not to also show a look of complete shock at the same time. Somewhere, there is a boy who has just been grounded for two weeks and who will arrive home from school for the surprise of his life].

JOEY: Do you think I should try to call her again?

TEACHER: No, I think you’ve done enough damage for one day, you’d better get to class.

[The boy hurries off after his classmates as the other students take their seats and the teacher begins the lesson].

SCENE 2, EXTERIOR. MORNING, SCHOOL. It’s now the next day and bell has rung. The teacher walks to where his class is lined up to bring them inside to begin the school day. Upon seeing Joey, the teacher remembers the phone call from the day before. As the students begin to file into the school, the teacher pulls the boy aside.

TEACHER: Joey, did you call the right number after all?

JOEY: No, Mr. Z, when I got home, I asked my mom and she said I didn’t call her. I guess I talked to somebody else’s mom yesterday.

[A few classmates who are passing that heard him making the call the day before start whispered gasps of horror amidst comments of, ‘He called the wrong mom!’ and ‘Another kid got into trouble!’ The teacher sends these students into the school building].

TEACHER: So, I guess another kid got into trouble instead of you then, eh?

JOEY: Yeah.

TEACHER: Bummer for him.

JOEY: Yeah, but I guess it could have been worse.

TEACHER: Really? How’s that?

JOEY: My mom could’ve grounded me, too.

[Fade to black]

Moments with Joey - Life and Milk Cartons

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SCENE 1, EXTERIOR. MORNING, BLACKTOP. The class is lined up and readying themselves to come into the building. As the class president picks the straighter of the two lines, the students file past the teacher with a flurry of ‘Good mornings’ and greetings of ‘Hello, Mr. Z.’ The teacher acknowledges each of his students as they pass by. Toward the end of the line a fifth grade boy walks up slowly, he is clutching his stomach.

JOEY: [Spoken as if he’s sick]. Ugh, Mr. Z…I am SO stuffed.

[The teacher and boy walk through the set of double doors together and start down the hallway behind the rest of the class].

TEACHER: Why, what happened?

[The boy grins].

JOEY: I had two breakfasts this morning.

TEACHER: Two breakfasts?

JOEY: Yeah, down in the lunchroom I had two orders of French toast, two orders of sausage, two servings of fruit, two bowls of cereal, and two cartons of milk. [Pause]. I went though the line twice.

TEACHER: Holy Hannah, Joey, why did you eat so much?

JOEY: Well, they say breakfast is the most important meal of the day, Mr. Z.

TEACHER: So, I guess I can expect twice as much out of you today then, right?

[Pause].

JOEY: Yep…and you know what?

TEACHER: What’s that?

JOEY: Some people think I should have my picture on a box of Life cereal because I’m good-looking, too.

TEACHER: Well, it beats having it on a milk carton.

[Fade to black].


BTW, Don't forget that this Saturday is Christmas in September...

They Say That Today is Our Birthday

Pin It It was a while ago that I was born.

I was born alone.

Well, there were others present I’m told…my mother for instance.

If you wanted to wish her a Happy Birthing Day, you could do so here—after all—even though I was there (and the star of the day), I hear that she did most of the work…though I’m sure that that is grossly exaggerated. It would make my day (and hers) if you did so.

Fast forward to my first year teaching, which was about a dozen years ago; I decided needed a twin.

It was my first year as a teacher.

Actually, I guess it started my first year at college, but it really became popular my first year as a teacher.

You see, once per year for the first six or so years, I would need to leave school for a doctor appointment or some other reason, and it would just so happen that my twin brother would be passing though town on his way to visit my parents.

Such an amazing coincidence, really.

My class was always so excited when Jesse would come to sub for me in the classroom. Naturally I wasn’t there when he arrived in the morning, but I would hear all about the day’s exploits from my students when he’d left and I ‘returned’ after lunch or the next day.

It was always a lot of fun to hear about how the day went from their perspective.

My principal was always great about letting Jesse substitute for me, and the first time I asked her if it would be okay if he did so, she laughed and had this twinkle in her eye…that’s the moment I knew that she was a kindred spirit.

Some principals border on mind-blowing.

Jesse always was a great sub though he didn’t have the class routines down nearly as well as I did, his hair was never quite as stylish, but he was still pretty cool. Some of my students told me that they had a hard time telling the two of us apart, while others told me that it was but obvious that I was me and he was him. They told me that if the both of us were ever standing together in a room, they would be able to pick me out in a heartbeat.

For the first six or so years of my teaching, Jesse would sub for me for either a day or a half-day once a year…and you know, having Jesse come to my classroom was fun; however, Jesse stopped coming to sub about five years ago. I soon came to realize that it was simply too much work to orchestrate everything for his visits and far too exhausting for me. Therefore, I decided that Jesse wouldn’t be permitted to come to my classroom anymore. His photos were moved to a far less conspicuous location on the bottom shelf behind my desk in the corner, and I don’t talk about him with my class any longer.

They don’t ask when he’s coming to visit. And, perchance, if they do catch a glimpse of said photos, and utter statements of things such as, “You two look just alike!” I usually counter with something to the effect of, “No way, I’m far better looking.”

I doubt Jesse will ever return to my classroom in future years. I mean, he’s a great guy—being a brother and all that—but there always comes a time when one has to let siblings go their own way.

Oh, and if you wanted to see more of the images from the calendar I made for my family a few years ago, those may be viewed here. Also, you could request Jesse as a friend on Facebook, he's pretty quiet most days, but he does post occasionally. You could also wish him a happy birthday.

Yeah, I know, crazy...and just a little bit creepy, too. Just the way I like it.

It Makes no Sensa to Me

Pin It I was checking my email the other day when I noticed the ad on the sidebar. Usually I ignore these things…after all, it seems that we’re inundated with the petitions to buy this, that, or the other—those things that we never knew before existed, but upon learning about them, we now know that we’ll not be able to go another day living without said item simply because.

Or so they say…

Yeah, you know these ads.

This particular advertisement caught my eye simply because my currently petty goal in life is to lose about 4 more lbs. before my students return to the classroom in another eight days.

So I paused to read over the information.

I glanced at the image of the ripped African-American on the sidebar, his skin glistening with an incandescent sheen and abs you probably couldn’t even crack with a sledgehammer. His arms looked like something akin to the branches of an Oak tree. Wow, and all this from Sensa?

I could be African?
Glistening like a sun-ridden vampire?
Six-Packian like Dr. Pepper?
Rippian?
All with no drugs?
No pills?
No Frills, furbelows, or accompaniments?
No stimulants?
I could still eat like a total pig and lose weight, gaining muscle and looking like something having just descended from the jagged, cloud-topped peaks of Mount Olympus?

Man, where do I sign up?

I awoke from my daydream and thought about that abdominal workout that seemed to be pretty popular a few years ago—the one where you just had to hook up the small electrodes to your stomach and chest and in just a few weeks, PRESTO! You’d be toned, trim, and ripped like never before without ever leaving your couch and by doing nothing but watching television and eating boxfuls of Krispe Kremes slathered in barbecue sauce and bear lard (see again, photo of toned African-American male).

I laughed as I thought over this and even Googled the ‘magic’ remedy of Sensa to discover that it’s really all about magic…just like James’ magic crystals from James and the Giant Peach. You see, all you have to do is sprinkle a dusting of magic powder over your meals that enchantingly makes you believe that you’re full, and you lose weight because of—get this—the smell.

Not even Hogwarts has something this outlandish.

I started laughing as I closed the browser window, copied the image for the ad, and started to write this post; I was thinking the whole time of how wrong they really have it…the ‘magic’ remedy for weight loss—or so it seems to me—is the usual: eat fewer calories and get a bit more exercise. For the most part, this seems to work the best for me, and it will probably be the weight loss program I’ll stick with…after all, it’s worked before.

However, should anyone know of a magic dust that transforms flab to abs, and melts away the inches with zero effort whatsoever on my part, then I hope you’ll pass this choice little tidbit of information my way because you better believe that I’d be all ears.

Now if you’ll excuse me, my elliptical machine and I have an appointment.

Oh, and as for that toned African-American-with-the-skin-glistening-with-that-incandescent-vampirian-sheen-and-abs-like-concrete-awesomeness? Yeah, he has no legs...they didn’t mention THAT little side-effect in the AD did they? Maybe Sensa’s really not the wonder drug for me...

Moments with Joey - Tracking Hilarity

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SCENE 1, INTERIOR. MORNING, CLASSROOM. The teacher is taking roll for the day and submitting attendance to the office. As he does, he notices one of his fifth grade students standing in front of him with a blue sticky note and a pen. The boy is smiling as wide as Christmas.

TEACHER: Yes?

[The boy smiles even wider and rocks forward on his toes].

JOEY: You’re a funny guy; did you know that?

TEACHER: Yeah, I’m pretty much fraught with hilarity…

JOEY: See, there you go again. You’re always making us laugh with jokes and stuff. It makes the day go quicker and it’s a lot of fun.

TEACHER: I guess it helps that you can’t laugh and throw up at the same time.

JOEY: There’s another one!

TEACHER: Another one, what?

JOEY: Something funny. [There is a pause while the boy puts two tally marks on the sticky note]. You know what I’m going to do? I’m going to keep track of every time you say something funny all day on this piece of paper. At the end of the day, I’ll know just how funny you really are.

TEACHER: Wow, my own personal happiness meter; you know, I might just have to scrape the rust off of my personality for today.

JOEY: That was funny, too.

[The boy adds another tally to the note and returns to his desk, looking expectantly at the teacher].

SCENES 2-13, INTERIOR SHOTS. MIDMORNING THROUGH AFTERNOON, CLASSROOM. Various quick cuts of the teacher as he is giving instructions and interacting with his students throughout the day. These shots are interspersed throughout a variety of lessons. Quick shots are also of Joey as the boy ‘rates’ his teacher discretely with either a thumbs up, down, or a shake of the hand indicating the level to which he is impressed by the comments throughout the day. Tally marks are made on the sticky note during this time. A song plays in the background during the medley of clips: ‘You’re the Best’ by Joe Esposito, originally used in the movie, The Karate Kid.

TEACHER: You are not only the child, but also the pet I never had but always wanted. [Thumbs up]

TEACHER: You do realize that if you have an accident, you’re going to have to clean it up yourself. [Thumbs up].

TEACHER: The answer to the math problem can never be bacon…it’s delicious, but it’s never the answer. [Thumbs up].

TEACHER: I guess if you were drowning you could always stand on your head and you’d be safe, right? [Wavered hand].

TEACHER: If you head explodes, I’ll just put it in a plastic baggie and give it to your mom after school. [Thumbs up].

TEACHER: I’m not sure if I have a soul, I never checked. [Thumbs up].

TEACHER: Look; if you don’t go out to recess, then I can’t start missing you now can I? [Thumbs up].

TEACHER: [Spoken to three dawdling boys as the class is lining up to go to lunch]. Mimsy, Muffy, Buffy, let’s get a move on here…I’m not getting any younger and neither are the three of you. But I am getting better looking every. single. minute. Pretty soon I’m going to start blinding you all with my good looks. [Thumbs up].

TEACHER: If my darkest nightmares had a soundtrack and choreography, I think it would look and sound something just like this. [Thumbs up].

TEACHER: The book usually works a whole lot better if you open it first. [Wavered hand].

TEACHER: You do realize that you’re breathing my air, don’t you? [Thumbs up].

TEACHER: Be careful when reaching in your desk, Joey pulled a pony out of his yesterday…it was in the back, stuffed behind an old bologna sandwich. [Thumbs up].

TEACHER: [Spoken to a boy]. Okay Buttercream, let’s get to work while we’re still all capable of breathing. [Thumbs up].

SCENE 14, INTERIOR. AFTERNOON, CLASSROOM. The bell has just sounded; the students are giving the teacher high fives—and a few are giving him a quick hug as they depart the classroom. One boy holds back as he counts the tallies from his sticky note. After a minute he writes a number on the paper that he circles; he approaches the teacher.

JOEY: Mr. Z, you were pretty funny today.

[The boy taps the sticky note with the pen he’s been using].

TEACHER: Really? So…I made the cut?

JOEY: Well, there were some lame things you said today, but I didn’t keep track of those.

TEACHER: Thank heaven for small miracles and slatherings of awesomeness.

[The boy starts to laugh and makes another tally mark on his sticky note].

JOEY: Mr. Z, you were funny a total of 86 times today…that’s really funny!

[Pause].

TEACHER: That’s probably why they pay me the big bucks.

[There is a pause as the boy stares bemusedly at the teacher for a moment].

TEACHER: Um…that was a joke.

JOEY: Yeah, but it wasn’t very funny

TEACHER: You’re telling me…

[Fade to black].

Wordless Wednesday

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Messages from the Future

Pin It I was sitting in the kitchen, getting ready to enjoy a quiet dinner, when I heard a strange sound coming from the living room. Thinking of gremlins, prowlers, and other things that go bump in the night, I went to investigate and was surprised to find my printer whirring as it woke itself up from sleep mode. Something was going on; something strange was happening.

But I hadn’t printed anything.

And yet, as I stood there, a document was emerging from the printing tray.

I cautiously leaned over and took the sheet of paper from the out-tray, feeling the heat soak into my fingers as I gazed at the letterhead - which was oddly addressed to me.

What the heck?

Well, one should always listen to their future self, right? After all, they probably know exactly what they’re talking about.

I also took the copy of Toy Story 3 over to my neighbor – with whom I share a wireless network. Funny though, he wasn’t at all surprised that I was bringing it over. I can only assume that I must have faxed him from the future as well…

Man, but I’m considerate.

It’s Finally Over

Pin It She was the music of my life, and after what I thought was a beautiful three-year relationship, it abruptly ended.

There was no notice whatsoever; there was no forewarning. In fact, one moment she was there, nestled close and the next she was gone. After all of our good times together, it was like awakening from bad dream.

I panicked.

I searched frantically high and low, retracing my steps and the places we’d just been, but she was nowhere in sight. I even checked at the police station, but it was no avail.

She was missing.

The sergeant on duty informed me that in cases like this, the outlook usually isn’t good. I was recommended to simply forget ever finding her again and simply moving on.

My home was silent.

My life seemed strangely empty.

I decided that it was finally time that I move on, so I checked into one of those online sites.

You know the type…

I perused the profiles long into the night before finally making a decision.

She is being sent from China as we speak.

She will be here in a week.

Moments with Joey – Music Time on Friday

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SCENE 1, INTERIOR. AFTERNOON, CLASSROOM. The teacher is sitting on the old, wooden chair in front of his class with his father’s guitar in hand. The students are seated on the floor gripping the weathered songbooks as they sing together on a Friday afternoon. After a few songs to warm up, the teacher allows the table captains to each pick a song. The class sings “Bad Moon Rising,” “The Cat Came Back,” and group of boys start to belt out an a-capella version of “Going to the Zoo” finally dissolving into a fit of laughter and giggles. As the teacher calls on one of the table captains, the boy gives an enthusiastic grin as he shuts his songbook and sits up proudly.

JOEY: I’d like to sing “Baby, Baby” please, Mr. Z.

TEACHER: Baby, Baby?

JOEY: Yeah…you know, by Justin Bieber.

TEACHER: I don’t think that you’d all know the words to that song, or that I’d know all the chords either; I think I could only play part of the song…

JOEY: Oh, trust me, Mr. Z. I know all the words!

[A ripple of excitement spreads through the class and the teacher quietly slips an mp3 recorder from his pocket and hits the ‘record’ button].



[Fade to black].

The Email Chain

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It was about eight or nine months ago that I was introduced to this savvy little bit of comedic genius from David Thorne. It is told via email replies back and forth.

It made me laugh.

A lot.

Oh, and I don't like cats, either...

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.20am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Poster.

Hi I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon. Missy This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number. Thanks Shannon.

Why Didn't I Think of That?

Pin It There have been moments in my life when I’ve wished that I’d had a particular idea, written a certain song, or come up with some brilliant way of writing something.

Yeah, don’t we all?

I was chatting with my brother recently, and we started talking about something we both had seen quite a while ago, but both thought was simply brilliant…enough so that we both wished WE’D have thought of it.

I know that many of you have probably seen this before, but I thought it was worth yet another look.

This was originally thought up by Andrew McDonald and is all about making sure that your lost camera can be speedily returned.

In word: Brilliant.

And I also hate him for thinking of this idea before I did...

And why couldn't I have written this while I was at it?