Tuesday, August 18, 2009

I wanted to vomit

Pin It Tonight was Back to School Night.

I had had a migraine all day; but I tried not to show it—after all, what good would that have done?

At Back to School Night everyone met in the gymnasium at first in order to hear announcements, to have the principal introduce the staff, and to take care of various odds and ends. When the fifth grade team was introduced and our principal introduced me, a smattering of applause rippled through the gym.

I have to be honest, as I stood and gave a small wave I felt a bit uncomfortable; I felt badly for the other teachers who didn’t get accolades from the masses that I did; this being only my second year at this school and some of them having taught there for ten or more years. It made me worry that some of them would start to resent me for it.

Back in the classroom I met briefly with each of my students and their parents, the migraine still pounding in my skull, but I smiled and pretended that it wasn’t there.

I wanted to vomit.

The names I’d so carefully memorized became jumbled with the throbbing pain in my head and at times I had trouble trying to think clearly—I know that I forgot to remind some parents sign up for SEP conferences.


Finally, the evening was over and I found myself standing alone in an empty classroom—a classroom which was put together with the help of good friends and old students over the past few days. For all of which I am thankful and cannot express enough gratitude; you five know who you are.

I drove home, my head pounding—wanting nothing more than to yank out handfuls of my own hair. Migraines this bad haven’t been the norm, but have been a bit more frequent over the past week.

It is now night. The darkness is sweeping silently over the neighborhood along with the chill of evening.

Tomorrow is the first day of school.

The thought of teaching after a summer of privation comes, I ponder on the coming year; a tome of empty pages just waiting to be written. I hope to fill them with that which is worth reading. Yet, in the meantime I still have a headache; and I still want to vomit.


jayniemoon said...

I thought about you tonight as I attended Hazel's back to school night and wondered how you were doing. So sorry to hear it wasn't awesome. Hope all is well tomorrow!

And you deserve accolades. You are great.

MindyElias said...

I was reading this and thinking of how I hate that this is the way you are feeling the night before your first day of your 9th year of teaching.

So I'm praying for you tonight that instead of those horrible head pains, you have butterflies instead.

Have a fabulous 1st day of your
9th year! Holy smokes that's cool!


Linn said...

I'm sorry you were so sick--I hope you are much better this morning and good luck on your first day of school. I LOVED the first day of school--as a student and then as a teacher. It makes me happy just thinking about it!

Teachinfourth said...

Jayne - Been up since 3:30. I feel great. I am headed to school now.

ME - I am excited...once I woke up I couldn't fall back asleep.

Linn - Don't you love the fall? It makes me want to buy school supplies...

I love the first day too, even though there always seems to be some strange dreams to accompany it the night before (or a lack of sleep).

Gerb said...

Some things seem really unfair. I hope today is a much better day - and that this year is one of your favorites.

Happy first day of school!

Crustacean Queen said...

Well I hope all went well with the first day. Our back to school night was several weeks ago (year-round) and ironically enough there was only 1 male teacher...he was 5th grade and he got most of the applause too. He turned bright red...it was great. Made me think of you--awesome men doing an awesome job!

Susie-Q said...

I just have to say... Don't feel bad that the other teachers didn't get the applause. If they are smart they will step it up and learn a few things. There is a great joy in life from learning from each other. Good luck this year.

Bee said...

Good Luck! I'll be thinking about you in the morning.

annette said...

I must say, you do incite enthusiasm from your fans. It's the price of fame. I know how flattered yet awkward you felt. It might be a good lesson to teach, if you're going to clap for one, you should clap for all.

Migranes seem to hit most during stressful times. That explains why you came in late. I'm so sorry. I hope they lessen now that school has started.

K.J. said...

I thought about you when we met Shanny's 6th grade teacher...a male...her first boy teacher! She asked me if I thought he was going to be like Mr. Z since she never had the opportunity to be in your class. My answer was this,"He isn't old, isn't too young, not ugly and not super cute, but deffinetly seems like a great teacher!" She just kind of snickered. I couldn't tell her I didn't think he would be as good of a teacher as you...that would just have brought her down...new school again,(brand new school this year) and she has to make new friends all over again. I know she has been super worried. Hopefully he will put her at ease a bit since she still wishes she would have had you for a teacher. I still think it bugs her...I know it does.
I was sorry to read about your headache. I hope you feel better today.
Sorry for the long comment!

Teachinfourth said...

G - It was a much better day...as was day number two when I felt I knew the kids much 'more better' than I did before.

R - Makes you feel all kind of celebrityish, you know?

S - Thanks. I guess doing home visits and making class videos and the end of the year really pays off in the end, right?

B - It was a good day.

A - I hope they tone themselves down too...for some reason, they've flared up yet again. Stress perhaps?

KJ - I wish that Shanny could have been in my class as well; I think it would have been a lot of fun since I had the older two. Of course, things don't always work out the way that we want them to.

Hope your school year is going well!

Janett said...

Yeah, why didn't they clap for me? Just kidding:) And one other thing....MASSAGE! Make time!!!!!!!

Powdered Toast Man said...

I see a trend with this first day of school thing. I suggest you strap a vomit bag around your neck so you are free to let the juices percolate.

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