I wanted to vomit

Pin It Tonight was Back to School Night.

I had had a migraine all day; but I tried not to show it—after all, what good would that have done?

At Back to School Night everyone met in the gymnasium at first in order to hear announcements, to have the principal introduce the staff, and to take care of various odds and ends. When the fifth grade team was introduced and our principal introduced me, a smattering of applause rippled through the gym.

I have to be honest, as I stood and gave a small wave I felt a bit uncomfortable; I felt badly for the other teachers who didn’t get accolades from the masses that I did; this being only my second year at this school and some of them having taught there for ten or more years. It made me worry that some of them would start to resent me for it.

Back in the classroom I met briefly with each of my students and their parents, the migraine still pounding in my skull, but I smiled and pretended that it wasn’t there.

I wanted to vomit.

The names I’d so carefully memorized became jumbled with the throbbing pain in my head and at times I had trouble trying to think clearly—I know that I forgot to remind some parents sign up for SEP conferences.

Curses.

Finally, the evening was over and I found myself standing alone in an empty classroom—a classroom which was put together with the help of good friends and old students over the past few days. For all of which I am thankful and cannot express enough gratitude; you five know who you are.

I drove home, my head pounding—wanting nothing more than to yank out handfuls of my own hair. Migraines this bad haven’t been the norm, but have been a bit more frequent over the past week.

It is now night. The darkness is sweeping silently over the neighborhood along with the chill of evening.

Tomorrow is the first day of school.

The thought of teaching after a summer of privation comes, I ponder on the coming year; a tome of empty pages just waiting to be written. I hope to fill them with that which is worth reading. Yet, in the meantime I still have a headache; and I still want to vomit.