SCENE 1, INTERIOR. NOON, FIFTH GRADE CLASSROOM. Math class has just ended and the class is getting ready to head down to the lunchroom. The teacher picks up his lunch bag and addresses the twenty-plus students.
TEACHER: Alright, everyone who’s good-looking, please go line up for lunch.
[Nearly the entire class scramble into two lines by the classroom door; however, a few students hold back and remain sitting at their desks].
TEACHER: Now, if you’re SUPER good-looking, then you can go and line up, too. However, I don’t think that any of you are quite as good-looking as me.
[The rest of the students hurry into line with the exception of one boy who remains seated at his desk. The president of the class takes the students from the room as the teacher notices the lone student].
TEACHER: Joey, didn’t you want to go to lunch?
[The boy remains sitting, looking intently at his teacher. He has a look of concern on his face].
JOEY: Mr. Z, it really isn’t fair though.
TEACHER: [Confused]. What isn’t fair?
JOEY: Well, what you just said. You know, you’re older than us, so you’ve had a lot more practice and experience at being good-looking than we have; that’s not really fair.
[The teacher raises his eyebrows].
TEACHER: I never thought about that before, Joey [pause]. Well, what do you think you could do to try to be more attractive?
[The boy thinks for several moments before answering].
JOEY: Keep checkin’ myself out in the mirror?
TEACHER: [Stifling a laugh]. That sounds like a great idea…
JOEY: Well, I am beautiful, you know.
TEACHER: Uh…
JOEY: And one day…I’ll be old like you, too; and then I’ll be even better looking than I am now.
[With this, the boy stands and walks toward the classroom door, smoothing out his eyebrows with his fingertips. He gives winks and heads to the lunchroom].
TEACHER: [Spoken quietly]. Heaven help the world...
[Fade to black].
11 comments:
Just when I think I have read my favorite one for sure, you go and write something like this.
Stinkin' Lewis, this is awesome!
If anyone ever asks you why you're a teacher you should just refer them to your 'Moments With Joey' posts. Because, seriously? Moments like these must make it awesome.
It's true, I think we are all jelous of your good looks. You can't blame a kid for trying... haha! Thanks for the laughs and the votes!
You're the best looking only because Matthew isn't in your class..... :D
Humility, anyone? anyone?
This is great - one of the funniest yet! I have a little boy who I can see me having the exact same conversation with. He's already a "ladies man". (:
It's good to know someone thinks we get better as we age...Bless that Joey!
And I know one devastatingly handsome guy in your class that can definitely give you a run for your money in the looks dept!
I'm not biased or anything though...
Hilarious. You've got some good ones. I am thinking most of these are not fictional. I can just see these things happening across the hall. Very creative.
Classic!! Although I could totally see you and I having this conversation. What does that say about me!? I do love mirrors :)
L - I get surprised nearly every day…I now have half-a-dozen waiting to be posted; some of them are a riot.
G - These moments to make the job.
H - I'm in your corner.
R - Good thing, too. Heaven knows I don't need the competition.
J - I remember you talking about that kid in your class…he and I would get along swimmingly.
N - He does make me smile - and laugh…usually when I really need it.
A - Believe it or not, these are all down-to-earth real.
K - I wouldn't even compete if you were in the running!
Thanks for teaching Jason--kids need you. Thanks for posting, we need you.
Is my son George your Joey? I must know... ;)
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