Friday, March 26, 2010

Moments with Joey – Twisted Ankles, Chainsaws, and Homework (Oh, my)

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SCENE 1, INTERIOR. AFTERNOON, HALLWAY. The students have just come into the school from recess, and they are taking a 3-minute break. As they all make their way down the hallway, the teacher turns to walk to the office to deliver a message. He notices a boy who’s just limped up to him with a grimace on his face.

JOEY: Mr. Z?

TEACHER: What’s up, Joey?

[The boy limps a step toward the teacher and screws up his face in pain].

JOEY: I was playing ball outside and I hurt my ankle.

TEACHER: How bad do you think it is?

JOEY: Pretty bad [grimace]. I was wondering if I could go to the office.

[The teacher looks at the boy for a few moments and then grins].

TEACHER: Why go to the office? I could take care of the problem right here; you know that I have scissors in the classroom…

[The boy glances down at his ankle and then looks back at his teacher].

JOEY: Scissors won’t cut through the bone. I think I’d need a chainsaw. That’s why I have to go to the office.

TEACHER: [Trying to mask a smile]. The office has a chainsaw?

JOEY: Yeah, to take care of the hurt kids. I’ve seen ‘em using it before.”

TEACHER: Well, I’m heading to the office right now; why don’t you come along?

SCENE 2, INTERIOR. AFTERNOON, OFFICE. The boy walks into the office next to the teacher with only an occasional limp. As the secretary hangs up the phone and looks up at them, the boy’s expression contorts into one of immense pain.

SECRETARY: What can I do for you, Mr. Z?

TEACHER: Well, Joey here says he hurt his ankle and needs some first aid. He also told me that you guys have a chainsaw to take care of student injuries. I told him I could just use scissors, but he was adamant that the chainsaw would work better.

SECRETARY: [playing along]. As a matter of fact, we do have a chainsaw. I keep it right here under my desk.

[The secretary points to the cupboard space beneath her laptop. Another teacher passing passing through the office pauses after overhearing the conversation].

PASSING TEACHER: You’d better put a tarp on the floor if you use the chainsaw or you’ll stain the carpet.

[The boy looks expectantly at the secretary who then shakes her head].

SECRETARY: Oh, you know what? We can’t use the chainsaw today…it doesn’t start very easily. I don’t think we’d be able to get it running.

[The boy and his teacher look at each other].

TEACHER: Well, what're we going to do now, Joey?

[The boy acts like he’s thinking deeply for a few moments].

JOEY: Maybe we could just get some ice instead.

TEACHER: I guess that would be a better idea wouldn’t it?

SECRETARY: Joey, I’m sorry but the ice machine is broken, remember? I told you that the other day when you came in for ice. [pause] But I’ll bet we could get you a towel soaked in cold water.

JOEY: [Disappointed]. Oh.

TEACHER: Tell you what, Joey. I’ll check my heart and see if I’ve got any ice left in there.

JOEY: But it would be black; it’d probably kill me if I used it.

[The teacher pauses, in thought].

TEACHER: Well, look at the bright side, if you died, then I could have all your stuff.

JOEY: I’ll tell you what, Mr. Z. If I die, you can have everything in my desk, including my homework.

SCENE 3 INTERIOR. AFTERNOON, CLASSROOM. The teacher is doing a comprehension activity with the class; the students are scanning a text and writing connections they've made. The door opens and the boy walks in, he is not limping at all at first, but when the teacher looks at him, the boy starts a slow, laborious movement across the room to his desk. He sits and looks at the worksheet awaiting him. He then sneaks a peek in his desk. His expression falls. He raises his hand and waits for the teacher. The teacher walks to his desk.

JOEY: [Whispered]. Mr. Z, you didn’t do my homework.

TEACHER: [Whispered]. Well, you didn’t die either now, did you?

[Pause]

JOEY: [Whispered]. No, I guess I didn’t…bummer.

Fade to black.

11 comments:

Rachel said...

You know. We all laugh at these Joey stories but quite frankly they wouldn't be "Joey" stories without you. You are just as much a part of these stories as Joey is.

And you call me crazy.......

Crazy is as crazy does!!!

Trevor said...

Very true Rachel. We forget to give Mr. Z credit!

Mamma has spoken said...

You're right Rachel, it takes the right teacher for these stories to transpire. Some wouldn't enjoy Joey. I think when the school makes up the class list, Jason is the first one there saying, "Make sure to give me a Joey or two!"

Richard & Natalie said...

You know everyone else is right; it takes a special kind of teacher to love Joey. I'm so glad it is you because then we get to read stories like this!
It was even funnier the second time. :)

Teachinfourth said...

R - You know, I was going to do the 'No, it's Joey that makes these things happen…he's the awesome one."

That's when I remembered Gerb's post over at Four Perspectives…OWN IT! I could hear her voice ringing in my head.

So instead of saying what I was going to…thanks.

T - I guess I just don't see myself as the star, but as you and Bonnie said, some teachers would shut him down right off. I, personally, love the kid. I'd take a few more if I could.

B - The funny thing is, he was a latecomer to the school. I was in the office at the end of summer and they were talking about the new kid who'd be starting. I remember telling them, "I want him."

I'm glad that I did…

N - I am just thrilled that you were there and experienced a real 'Joey Moment' this week; not everybody is that fortunate!

Cheeseboy said...

Ha ha! If there is anything that I've learned in 6 years of teaching it is that ice cures ALL ills. Perhaps even chainsaw induced bloodletting.

Loving the Joey!

A Lark said...

OK, what crazy teachers sanctioned this horribly gruesome....but funny.... post? Oh, yeah..... (:

Gerb said...

You know, I don't live that far from the school. The next time the chainsaw isn't working I'd be happy to bring mine by... with the chain removed, of course. I could even wear a white mask for good measure.

Kathy V said...

I'm cracking up over the secretary's roll. Certainly you've got them trained. I'm envisioning either secretary playing the part and they both crack me up.

Teachinfourth said...

CB - I used to have the kids get a drink of water when I was a PE teacher…it always amazed me just how much they were convinced that cold water could cure just about anything.

J - Thanks for the 'green light' on this one. There are times I wonder if I should post some of these moments.

G - Wow, I'm not sure what the reaction would be to that. I wonder if they'd call the police in? But then again, they might just say, "Oh, it's just Gerb."

K - Most times, when students go to the office because of being 'hurt' I write things on the notes like, "Joey is dying, please fix him."

The kids think it's a riot and the secretaries love it.

So as not to reveal the secretary's identity I won't mention her name, but she played her impromptu part without a hitch. I couldn't have asked for better...

Corine said...

LOL - glad I came to visit today; that one really had me laughing! :D Thanks.

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