Saturday, August 13, 2011

It Makes no Sensa to Me

Pin It I was checking my email the other day when I noticed the ad on the sidebar. Usually I ignore these things…after all, it seems that we’re inundated with the petitions to buy this, that, or the other—those things that we never knew before existed, but upon learning about them, we now know that we’ll not be able to go another day living without said item simply because.

Or so they say…

Yeah, you know these ads.

This particular advertisement caught my eye simply because my currently petty goal in life is to lose about 4 more lbs. before my students return to the classroom in another eight days.

So I paused to read over the information.

I glanced at the image of the ripped African-American on the sidebar, his skin glistening with an incandescent sheen and abs you probably couldn’t even crack with a sledgehammer. His arms looked like something akin to the branches of an Oak tree. Wow, and all this from Sensa?

I could be African?
Glistening like a sun-ridden vampire?
Six-Packian like Dr. Pepper?
Rippian?
All with no drugs?
No pills?
No Frills, furbelows, or accompaniments?
No stimulants?
I could still eat like a total pig and lose weight, gaining muscle and looking like something having just descended from the jagged, cloud-topped peaks of Mount Olympus?

Man, where do I sign up?

I awoke from my daydream and thought about that abdominal workout that seemed to be pretty popular a few years ago—the one where you just had to hook up the small electrodes to your stomach and chest and in just a few weeks, PRESTO! You’d be toned, trim, and ripped like never before without ever leaving your couch and by doing nothing but watching television and eating boxfuls of Krispe Kremes slathered in barbecue sauce and bear lard (see again, photo of toned African-American male).

I laughed as I thought over this and even Googled the ‘magic’ remedy of Sensa to discover that it’s really all about magic…just like James’ magic crystals from James and the Giant Peach. You see, all you have to do is sprinkle a dusting of magic powder over your meals that enchantingly makes you believe that you’re full, and you lose weight because of—get this—the smell.

Not even Hogwarts has something this outlandish.

I started laughing as I closed the browser window, copied the image for the ad, and started to write this post; I was thinking the whole time of how wrong they really have it…the ‘magic’ remedy for weight loss—or so it seems to me—is the usual: eat fewer calories and get a bit more exercise. For the most part, this seems to work the best for me, and it will probably be the weight loss program I’ll stick with…after all, it’s worked before.

However, should anyone know of a magic dust that transforms flab to abs, and melts away the inches with zero effort whatsoever on my part, then I hope you’ll pass this choice little tidbit of information my way because you better believe that I’d be all ears.

Now if you’ll excuse me, my elliptical machine and I have an appointment.

Oh, and as for that toned African-American-with-the-skin-glistening-with-that-incandescent-vampirian-sheen-and-abs-like-concrete-awesomeness? Yeah, he has no legs...they didn’t mention THAT little side-effect in the AD did they? Maybe Sensa’s really not the wonder drug for me...

13 comments:

Kalei's Best Friend said...

I think he's looking for his legs.. Notice he's looking down? or is that out of sheer embarrassment for getting paid for the ad? lol... btw do some planks- that's the way to get abs...believe me...

mintifresh said...

I'm sorry, what? You lost me at the picture....;)

Kristina P. said...

I just use meth.

Megan said...

Psh, who needs legs when you have abs like concrete awesomeness? Maybe the key to having an awesome upper body is to be legless...no leg days at the gym. Just arms and abs...

Joan said...

No legs = 30 pound weight loss. Truth in advertising. ;)

A Lark said...

Thanks for the visual - you totally made my day! I'm enjoying the picture along with "mintifresh"....now, what was your blog about? (: (BTW - with a torso like that, who NEEDS legs?)

Karen Peterson said...

I was reading this and thinking "Yeah, but WHERE ARE HIS LEGS??"

And then I got to the end and, sure enough, you beat me to that observation too.

Life with Kaishon said...

I would totally like you more if you turned into a toned african american ; )

Mamma has spoken said...

There's another reason to not believe all that those adds say.
My oldest before his TBI injury, would spend several hours in the gym, working on his six pack that no matter what he did just wasn't as define as the model you showed. He did talk with a personal trainer about this (yes they are even in the army gyms)AND a big part of this that isn't in those adds: genatics.
Plus, the other thing they don't tell you about their product: it works because it's some form of a laxitive!

Kimberly said...

Love those "magic" weight loss ads. *sigh* If only. Guess I'll still have to go running tomorrow morning. And the day after that. And the day after that ... well, you get the idea. :)

Rachel said...

:D The missing legs was the first thing I noticed. Okay, maybe not THEE first thing I noticed but...... a close second.

jenifer said...

do they have a sensa smell for doing laundry? just sprinkle a little and WA-LAH instant desire to clean... sign me up. (I think I'd even be willing to donate my legs to the cause.)
and, I'm certain that man ONLY used Sensa... no exercise, no drugs- right!!!

M-Cat said...

Laughing at the thought of Mr Z tranformed into an ripped African-American with no legs.

Funny thing about that ab machine craze? Yeah, Corbin BOUGHT ONE! Dumbest thing ever, but they had so much fun with it. All the boys would put it around their arms or legs. Once the neighbor boy (my fourth sone) strapped it around his neck and put it on the highest speed and then went into blockbuster. Poor people didn't know what to do about the kid whose neck was seizing up and bugging his eyes out every 10 seconds.

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