Tuesday, March 3, 2009

March 3, 2009

Pin It Life is how we respond, isn’t it?

Silly question, after all, I already know the answer.

Today was one of those days which required a response from me.

The other teachers had left the school long before I did.

I was going through piles of student work, old assignments, and various items which had magically seemed to find their way to my desk.

As I worked to reduce the pile, the headache I’d had for the past several hours seemed to get a little stronger, as if just to let me know that it was there, and far more powerful than I was.

I found myself getting irritated at the fact that I was still in my classroom. I was surrounded with tasks screaming for my time and attention—each seemingly wanting to be completed first.

I also found myself thinking of my kitchen counter back home, strewn with piles of receipts and items necessary for tax season.

There was simply too much going on inside—and outside—my head.

I fumbled for my iPod. I selected my playlist titled, “Feel good music” which never fails to alter my mood when it’s getting dangerous. However, this time the music it did nothing. I instead found myself getting annoyed at each and every one of the songs; I switched it off.

The resentment was coiling in my guts, like a snake waiting to strike. I really found myself questioning what I do and why I do it. Memories of my staying long hours after school to track assignments and correct student work came back to mind.

That was not the teacher I wanted to be again.

I finished up and left.

Outside the inversion of pollution did nothing for my mood—or the migraine throbbing inside my skull.

I drove home, and upon arriving there were just as many—if not more—tasks waiting to be done. I blew out a sigh and began to get to work…

That’s when it happened.

Somewhere, somehow, a little realization occurred within me.

It happened as my headache started to melt away like mist burned off by the early-morning sunlight.

It’s going to be okay.

Things are going to get better.

The tasks don’t all need to be done right now.

Things are good. Life is good. I am so glad that I am a teacher.

What is it that I want to do with my life?

Teach.

So now I sit at my keyboard, typing these words. Not just typing, but smiling while I put these thoughts down on the digital canvas before me.

I am finished.

Thanks for reading.

Thanks for understanding.

Goodnight.

10 comments:

Gerb said...

It's all about attitude, isn't it? Way to turn things around! :)

Meg said...

This is a refreshing post!

A Lark said...

Sounds like what you've told me a few times the past month... I guess I need to keep hearing it. I'm glad you can get your perspective back like that and share it with those of us who need reminders.

Michelle said...

Hey you, glad you pulled yourself out of it :) We are going to be in Provo this weekend, volleyball and a friend from KC is going to the MTC....Maybe we can see you??

Farscaper said...

I have found the need to do just what you did more and more lately.... stand back... take a deep breath.. let it out seek out the positives in life. The negatives scream so loud while the positives just sit back quietly grinning at you.. awaiting to be acknowledged.

Kris said...

You are in control of what happens and how you feel. You have to know you are a great teacher. And that you are an awesome person! Let that be your guide, not the tasks at hand.

K.J. said...

I have really been feeling like this! It was a great post! I have really been having a hard time getting motivated. I think summer needs to get here, so the sun can shine!

mywest said...

Great job,
When one can stand back and analyze the events of the day and understand why do I feel like this... moving beyond just being irritated and loosing control... one has achieved a monumental accomplishment. I have just started learning this lesson of life a few years ago and still work on it. Again you are light years ahead of me.... Love, DAD

annette said...

"The resentment was coiling in my guts, like a snake waiting to strike." So vivid. Great discription!

You were smart to decide not to let it get to you. So much easier said than done, I know!

sammisue said...

your amazing you know that right? i feel so good and am just staring at the screne in amazment when i read what you right. you really need to hurry up and finish a book soon. and when it is done i'll be the first one to have bought it and read it. anyway your an awesome writer and teacher i'm glad you still do it your kids are lucky :D

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