Monday, March 16, 2009

Moments with Joey – Superpowers

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SCENE 1, INTERIOR. AFTERNOON, FIFTH GRADE CLASSROOM. The school day has ended. All of the students have left for the day. A teacher and a fifth-grade boy sit at the back table. The teacher is correcting a few assignments as the boy begins to put his assignments into his backpack. He notices a paper arrow another student made for his literature response. He picks it up and holds it close to his face. He turns to the teacher and pretends to shoot the arrow, flying it in slow motion with his hand. The teacher looks up].

TEACHER
: Sorry, Joey. I’m bullet and arrow-proof today.

[Joey stops the arrow in midflight.]


JOEY:
Are you paper-proof today though, Mr. Z?

TEACHER:
I’m pretty sure that I am.

[Joey sighs and looks again at the arrow].


JOEY:
I had a dream about you last night.

TEACHER:
You did? Hopefully I was as cool in your dream as I am in real life.

[Joey sits down in an empty chair facing his teacher and grins].


JOEY:
You had superpowers!

TEACHER:
Really? [Pause]. What kind of powers did I have? Was it something like super-strength or flying?

JOEY:
No.

[The boy yet again examines the paper arrow, and once-again pretends to shoot it from an imaginary bow with whooshing noises].


TEACHER:
Well, what were my powers?

JOEY:
You found a ray gun and accidentally shot yourself with it.

TEACHER:
So, my powers are that I’m a clutz?

JOEY:
No. Once you shot yourself you got your powers. You see…you started to smell like cheese.

TEACHER:
Like cheese?

JOEY:
Yeah, in fact, you could shoot cheese—

TEACHER:
[Interruping]. Let me guess, out of my fingers?

JOEY:
Nope. Your armpits!

[The boy raises up each arm in turn and pretends to shoot cheese from them, making 'cheese-shooting' sound effects.].


TEACHER:
Wow, guess I could always use my powers to put out fires or something.

[There is a mildly-long pause while Joey gets to his feet and hops from foot to foot].


JOEY:
I have powers too, Mr. Z.

TEACHER:
You do?

[The boy tenses his body and then lurches to the side about an inch and then back again].


JOEY:
Yeah. I just zipped home and made some sandwiches.

TEACHER:
You did?

JOEY:
Yeah. I’ll get you one.

[The boy lurches his body again and holds out his hand].


JOEY:
There you go, want another one?

TEACHER:
It was delicious. I already ate it.

JOEY:
Whoa, that was fast!

TEACHER:
Shooting cheese isn’t my only ability.

[The boy watches as the teacher begins to correct again. He leans over the table and stares hard at him].


JOEY:
So, did you want another one?

TEACHER:
Another what? Superpower?

JOEY:
No. Sandwich. You could always reeat it.

TEACHER:
ReEAT it? I don’t think that’s possible…I’d have to throw it up first.

JOEY:
Actually, there’s another way too.

[As the teacher looks up, Joey grins and heads for the door, shouldering his backpack. He begins to throw himself up against the door humming the ‘Superman’ theme].


JOEY:
I’ll take him out, Mr. Z! [Throws himself against the door]. I’ll beat him up! [Throws himself again]. I’ll save you!

TEACHER:
Yeah, you just do that, will you?

JOEY:
Oh, I will. [Several more throws of self against the closed door].

TEACHER:
Joey, that’s the door…use it.

[The boy twists the knob with a flourish and leaps into the hallway].


JOEY:
To save the world!

[Silence again reigns in the classroom as the door shuts. There is stillness for a few moments. The teacher turns on some soft music and once-again begins to correct papers. A moment later, the door is flung open. The boy leaps into the classroom with the paper arrow in hand as it streaks in slow motion toward the teacher, guided by the boy. The boy screams out in a deep, slow motion voice...].


JOEY:
NOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooo! [Swooshing sounds].

[The boy ‘deflects’ the arrow which is placed neatly back onto the table. The boy pauses and breaks into a big grin].


JOEY:
It missed you, Mr. Z.

TEACHER:
Yep, I guess it did.

JOEY:
Well…you’re welcome.

[The boy ‘speeds’ to the door which is once-again thrown open to self-made music. Before he can depart, the teacher calls him back.].


TEACHER:
Joey?

JOEY:
Yeah?

TEACHER:
Did you call home and tell your mom that you’re on your way?

JOEY:
Uh…

TEACHER:
Better go call her then.

[The boy mills around for a few seconds, not speaking].


TEACHER:
Are you going to call?

BOY:
I don’t remember the number…well, I remember part of it.

TEACHER:
Okay, what do you remember?

JOEY:
Four.

TEACHER:
Well, that’ll get you far…now won’t it?

JOEY:
Remembering phone numbers isn’t my power, Mr. Z.

TEACHER:
I guess it’s not…

Fade to black.

9 comments:

Meg said...

That was the best.

Jean Jones said...

I like this Joey kid. Cheese shooting superpowered teacher isn't half bad either!

Danielle said...

heehee

Gerb said...

Joey for President!! That made me laugh out loud.

Holms TP said...

You should make a reality show out of your class, that are first rate! I love it!

Linn said...

Thanks for your comment on my blog this morning. And I have really enjoyed reading your blog! This post is fabulous! I was an elementary teacher before I had my children, so this was just awesome! Thanks again.

K.J. said...

I just love your stories. I needed to laugh today...

Panama Jones said...

Once again, I didn't see that one coming. You'll be gratified that after getting only halfway through I had to read it out loud to one of my apartment-mates. I would like to tell you that I maintained a straight face throughout. I would. But I didn't. I lost it. Cheese. Armpits. It's late. Note to self. . . don't read Mr. Z's "Moments with Joey" after 10:00PM.

annette said...

"Actually, there’s another way too." I'm still wondering about the answer to that one! :)

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