Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Raintears

Pin It I don’t know as if you came to my blog today looking for advice. If so, read on. If not, stop now, and click on somebody else’s.

Today’s post is the result of a proverbial ‘conversation’ I had with a friend who was feeling down. One who looked through a window of familiar ‘raintears’ streaking the glass.

I wonder…how often do we look at another person and think that they’re never sad, never have problems, or never worry?

If you’re anything like me, and have such amazing friends, you look at many of them and think that their life is perfect—or nearly so. It’s so easy to become envious of the monopoly they appear to have on the happiness of daily living.

Isn’t it?

I have recently been reminded that we all have problems—we all have struggles—we all have moments when we’re sad. There are even moments when we feel the weight of life pressing down on us, sometimes in a way which produces, genuine, physical pain. It doesn’t matter who we are—nobody is exempt from the pain life can sometimes induce.

There are times in my life, in my ‘adventures and misadventures’ where I reach a state when I just feel down. I hate my life. I almost wish to be someone else.

Have you ever felt that?

Sometimes, when these feelings come, I think that I just need to feel that way. I need these terrible moments to make the good times even more vivid and wonderful when they happen. However, I can’t allow the feelings of despair to consume me, for consume me they will.

I have to keep myself busy.
I need to remember why I’m here.
I need to do things which fill my life with purpose.
I have to create my own ‘holidays’ and celebrations which I can look forward to.
I must listen to songs which bring me up when I’m down.
I have to choose to remember all of the good times I once had, and know that I’m grateful that they were once mine.
I have to write to express what it is I am feeling.

So, do these always work?

Not always.

I had a thought while standing at the brink of Little Grand last week. In fact, I keep reminding myself of the decision I made while standing on the edge, with the winds of change buffeting me from all sides, and my incessant desire to fly: “To enjoy each and every moment, because before you know it, they’ll all be gone.”

I imagine how much I’ll laugh about my life existence when it’s over. How much I’ll put things into perspective. How much I’ll think to myself, “Self…that wasn’t so bad, was it?”

I envision those words when I am feeling down about my weight, about plans which didn’t work out, or when I find myself still struggling with habits.

Do I still feel sad?

Absolutely.

There are times I allow the sadness to take me over, to engulf me, these are the times when I turn my eyes to the heavens and cry a penitent, “Why me?”

Always comes the same reply, “Why not you?”

Touché.

In my life I’ve come to discover that when you're feeling that you're in a proverbial Hades...go through it. In fact, if you don't go through it, Hades is where you will stay.

Why I am I writing all of this? I guess because by writing this to you, I’m writing it to me. This is something I force myself to remember when the times get so bad I don’t want to go any further. I have to. If I let the pain or disappointment of life consume me, nothing will remain but the charred ashes of a worn-out soul.

I hope this helps. If not, simply click on another blog and pretend that you didn’t read this one. If so, I’m glad I was able to help with your own ‘raintears.’

10 comments:

Gerb said...

I like how, amidst all your labels for this post, there was 'hope'. I can handle the raintears when I also have hope. This was something I needed, especially this week.

Thank you.

mywest said...

Well I wasn't looking for advice but I wanted to continue your blog. I remember the pictures that must have been on "Little Grant" where you were standing on the edge of disaster..a spot where one would think I can fly...like in Summit Valley...only hitting the ground would have had a destructive ending. Don't think about what could have been...as it will only lead you to destruction. Focus on what can be and strive to become the best you can. You know my story..who else would want to just quit. Life isn't fair but we need to deal with the cards of life that has been deal to us. I'm tired, doped up because of my knee...just wanting to get a good night's sleep and waking up... Then finding that my wife is also still alive from her cancer.
The best is waking up with the love of your life who will stay with you for all the eternities and this is what makes you want to do everything you can to do what is right. I'm old and getting rummy so I will just say I love you!!! Love, DAD

Stephen T said...

I didn't come seeking advice, but I found inspiration. I always leave your blog having learned something.
You are an inspiration to so many.
Thanks, Jason!

We should get together sometime.

K.J. said...

Loved it! I am struggling with a few things lately, and your post really hit the spot!
I needed to read that today! Thanks!

Kris said...

I think when you life life in the past we do feel like we are standing in on the cliff. I stand there quite often. But to live now and look to the future is so hard for a lot of people. Sometimes we even want to rush through our days, weeks, and years to get where we want to be, then finding we didn't get there. Like your Dad we wake up morning just to know we get a second chance just to live and prove that we must endure. Look over your shoulder because you have a lot of people that look up to you. Including me! Love you!

Kris said...

I mean live life.

Danielle said...

Jason, you're so awesome and everything you ever say is what I am so needing at the moment...its amazing. Just know that everything you say is helping someone out there. How much better can it get??
We all love you and appreciate you being a part of our lives!

Kathy said...

Amen.

Anonymous said...

La pluie de larmes.

Valerie said...

"If I let the pain or disappointment of life consume me, nothing will remain but the charred ashes of a worn-out soul." I love this, Jason. I've been there. When physical pain and emotional exhaustion have made me seriously contemplate giving up. But I hope to never be so short-sighted as to chose charred ashes for eternal joy.

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